Symphony of Broken Dreams
by DisturbingEmily
Summary: Alec is an art student and he needs new model for his project. Magnus can't deal with his past, and falls deeper and deeper. What will happen when they meet? AU, Warnings:prostitution, violence, anorexia, sexual  and domestic abuse. mature content! R&R
1. Hide from the sun

**A/N:**

**I'm not an English native speaker, so if you see that something is wrong, tell me – I will fix it.**

**Warnings: swearing, prostitution, violence, anorexia, homophobia, possible lemons in the future.**

**! Alec and Magnus are nineteen.**

**I was supposed to post one-shot before this, but I got stuck in the middle of it, so decided to post this instead. I don't think it will be updated regularly, because even though I have holidays, I work, look after my little godson and try to have fun with my friends. But I will try.**

**Thanks and a big hug as usual to my lovely beta Madame OwlEyes :)**

_The break of dawn kills all the beauty_  
><em>The dead of night is drifting away<em>  
><em>Should I stay and welcome the day<em>  
><em>Or should I follow the one and hide from the sun?<em>

_The ray of light cuts like a razor_  
><em>The blazing fire burns in my eye<em>  
><em>The day reveals the dreadful betrayer<em>  
><em>And his wicked mind<em>

_Hide from the sun_  
><em>Hide from the sun<em>  
><em>Hide from the sun<em>

_Dead promises, paintings of the world so pure_  
><em>Ancient prophecies, remains of the world so cruel<em>  
><em>The time has come to hide from the sun<em>

_Dead promises, by The Rasmu_

Alec bit his pen and gazed at the various pieces of art hung on the walls of the class. These were the works of the most talented students that graduated the Academy as Mr. Hodge liked to reminisce, but most of them were rather plain in Alec's opinion, not that he considered himself really talented. It was all his sister's Isabelle idea and only her constant nagging made him apply. He was genuinely shocked when he was accepted, but Izzy just gave him hug and told him that she was proud and he so deserved it.

He loved painting or drawing, he liked to watch as from the initially senseless, casual strokes of his pencil or brush a portrayal of the reality was created. He had never understood the Cubists and their messy paintings – he could understand why some people were bewitched by their pieces. But he found beauty in the real world, even in its ugly parts. He loved more classic approach and despised the classes on the modern art.

"As you all probably noticed, the end of the school year is slowly approaching and you have to submit your semester assignments . This year's topic is The Seven Deadly Sins, and please no landscapes, animals or other bizarre things. I want people's portraits. Are we clear?" The collective murmur of the twenty voices gave the positive answer, and Hodge grinned; he loved these kids. "Alright, class dismissed!"

Alec swiftly put his things into his black, old bag and rushed to the door. He wanted to be out of here as quickly as he could. However, everything was against him today, so his quick departing was interrupted by the Mr. Hodge's rumbustious baritone.

"Alexander! I want to speak with you for a second, can you come here?"

"Of course, sir." Alec sighed and sat in front of his teacher dreading what he would say. He was sure he had supplied all his works, unless the teacher wanted to scold him, because some of them were so horrible. "Yes, it must be it." The boy thought desperately, his fingers clenching nervously on his bag's strap and chewing on his lower lip. He knew that the last drawing he did, was rushed and all, but he really didn't suspect that it was that bad…

"Relax Alexander, you look like you're going to burst. I just want to talk about this new project." The older man smiled placidly, saw that the boy exhaled slowly, and didn't look so tense anymore. "I know that you don't really like doing portraits. Am I right?"

"Yes, sir." Alec confirmed; he really didn't like drawing people. He felt as if he didn't do them justice, and if he did paint someone, it was some family member or close friends, generally somebody he knew well and could portray them in a decent way.

"And if I remember correctly you only made the portraits of family and friends?" Alec nodded unsurely; he was curious what the teacher was getting to. He hoped that Mr. Hodge would say that he doesn't have to do portrait, but he knew it was unrealistic. The teacher had never favored anyone. " Alright what I want you to do is find some stranger to draw, I don't care who. Just not someone you know very well, toy with this person, show them in different light, okay? I want you to step out of your comfort zone."

"Alright..." Alec answered, dumbstruck.

"You can go now." Hodge gestured towards the door, and started to grade papers the students had written an hour ago.

Alec hurriedly passed the empty corridors of the Academy. He had no idea how to find the new subject for his drawings; he had never been popular and didn't have many friends. His sister Izzy and childhood friend Jace were always enough, but now he had to find someone to model for him. "It will be a disaster." He mused grumpily as he got into his black Toyota and let the calming music of Nightwish blare.

* * *

><p>Alec tried to relax on his soft, black, leather sofa, but his younger sister Isabelle wouldn't let him be after he told her about the new assignments. It really was heart-warming, and he usually loved how much his sister was involved in his art, but right now she was annoying; or maybe that was his massive headache's fault, but he felt like he would explode any moment.<p>

"Or you could draw Meliorn, you know that guy from my school. Do you want to? I can totally ask him, I'm sure he will agree, and he's so hot!" Isabelle was blabbing all the time, unaware of Alec's internal groans and prays for mercy. She got so excited for this new project, the topic was great and she felt that her brother will find himself in it perfectly. "Or that girl Clary, you know the one Jace is dating right now? She would be good too! And she draws too, did you know? Alec? Alexander Lightwood, are you ignoring me?"

"Huh? No, I don't like Meliorn either." He mumbled, and shrunk a little when he caught Isabelle's furious, black eyes. No one messed with her, not even her big brother. She marched to the coach, her hands on her hips and looked down at Alec, the accusation clearly noticeable on her features.

"You didn't listen to me at all! What the hell Alec?" She asked, her loud voice drilling through Alec's skull and magnifying his already splitting headache.

"I'm just tired, Izzy. " He murmured quietly. "And I don't want any of your friends to model for me, if it must be stranger, it will be a total one."

Her gaze softened significantly as she sat down next to Alec, and ran her slender fingers through his silky, black strands. She always wondered how they looked so good; her brother had never been one for fashion, he didn't care for such mundane things. She had always been jealous that he didn't work at his appearance at all, and still was so attractive. She had to spend hours to look good. Alec was just… simple. His flat portrayed his character too, no extravagant furniture or colours; everything was kept in blues and grays. The only thing that was out of ordinary was enormous bed and art supplies scattered everywhere – on the floor, on the tables, even on the grand-sized bed. Oh and books, by the walls stood shelves filled with variety of them.

She remembered that as a kid she had never understood Alec, who was always hunched over one, while she was trying to get him to play with her. Of course, her big brother could never resist and had always relented. She adored him for that and not only. The two-years-older boy always took care of her, when their parents weren't around. She remembered vividly the nights when she cried herself to sleep in her big brother's arms' because she missed mom and dad and they were away on their business trips. Or when boys from the neighborhood tripped her, and Alex got into the fight with them. So when she was older, she swore that she would care and protect him, as he did when she was little.

She gently rubbed his scalp, and saw that he relaxed a little bit at last. Recently he was exhausted all the time, he tried not to be dependent on their parents so much and started to work in the nearby pub as the waiter; and it showed on his face - glaucous bags slowly forming under his eyes, marring his beautiful features. The school was hard enough, additional work was only exhausting him, but he was stubborn and no amount of Izzy's nagging could convince him to give up the ridiculous job. On the other hand she understood his reasons a little, his relations with their parents were not so good since he came out last year. Their parents didn't' openly announce that they hated him for being gay or disowned him, but they didn't have to, the disappointment was clear on their faces. And it hurt Alec to the core.

She still had this scene vividly imprinted in her mind. Alec's hands tightly clenched, the white knuckles trembling slightly, his face deathly-pale – she shuddered at the memory, she had never seen her brother's face so colourless, his cheeks had always been covered by the faint blush. And their parents' reaction: cold, empty stares and silence, ear-deafening silence ringing through the huge house; At last Alec's teary eyes and his quick departure. She literally felt her heart breaking for her big brother's pain, she regarded their parents with contemptuous glare and ran out to comfort Alec. It had been a week of silence, then Robert finally talked to his son at the breakfast like nothing had happened. The whole coming-out was ignored by their parents, and few days after that Alec asked if he could move out to live on his own, which their parents accepted too eagerly. She guessed they wanted to get rid of the _"sick"_ child. Still she was grateful that they were responsible and at least provided money for Alec's school and flat. If they couldn't give him their unconditional love, cash was the least they could do.

Her thoughts were suddenly interrupted, by Alec's tranquil voice.

"What do you think I should do about the assignment?" He asked uncertainly, biting his lower lip and glancing up at her questionably.

"Maybe you should draw random people at the streets?"

"You know, I can't do it, I have to have the same subject to draw several pieces, and…" He trailed off and looked at her again with his big, blue eyes. _"He looks so young and vulnerable right now."_ She thought. Suddenly, an idea struck her.

"What if you gave announcement? You know to the newspaper or on the internet?" She proposed. "You could also meet someone attractive that way." She winked at him and smiled mischievously. "What do you say?"

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><p><strong>AN: Please review, I will give a cookie?**

**Seriously, it means so much if someone reviews, even a word or two, so please do it, it takes only five minutes. And if you don't have account, no problem – you are also allowed to review.**


	2. If only love and life were fair

AN:

**I'm not an English native speaker, and I don't own the Mortal Instruments.**

**Warnings: swearing, prostitution, violence, anorexia, homophobia, possible lemons in the future.**

**Usual, big thank you to Madame OwlEyes, my precious beta.**

**And oh my god guys, I was so shocked by response to the first chapter. Thank you so, so much for all the reviews, and alerts and favourites. It meant so, so much for me ::cuddles readers:: Hope everyone got my review reply, if someone didn't, then I'm sorry.**

* * *

><p><em>It is sweet to dance to violins<br>When Love and Life are fair:  
>To dance to flutes, to dance to lutes<br>Is delicate and rare:  
>But it is not sweet with nimble feet<br>To dance upon the air!_

_~~The Ballad of Reading Gaol, Pt. II, Oscar Wilde_

The grass Alec was laying on was like a soft, vibrant-green carpet. It was a warm, sunny, spring Sundayand he was lazing around in the Central Park. He loved Sheep Meadow. And not only because it was so close to his favourite Strawberry Fields - which reminded him of John Lennon, whose music was his guilty pleasure, but also because it was always full of people that he could observe shamelessly. Now his hands itched to draw the small dog and girl running around her parents' blanket. He had thought that he wanted to fully relax in the warm, delicate sun's rays, and didn't bring any supplies with him. Now he regretted it deeply.

He reflected how only a year before he would be having a delicious, home-made Sunday dinner at this time, and felt a painful pang in his chest. He was sure that his parents and Izzy were now doing just that, but he hadn't been at such dinner in a long time; he didn't want to intrude after the coming-out fiasco. He wondered why he did that. He hadn't had a real boyfriend since his first and last high-school relationship ended, so what was the point, he mused. Was it even worth it?

Alec willed his bitter thoughts away, and stretched like a big, lazy cat, his bones cracking a little from laying nearly motionless for more than an hour. He had put that announcement, Isabelle was pushing him to, on Internet yesterday, and now was anxiously waiting if there was anyone interested. He didn't think, he would find anyone as he didn't have much to pay, but it was worth a shot. It wasn't like he could go to random strangers on the street and ask them to pose for him;people would think he's insane.

* * *

><p>Alexander sighed tiredly opening the book, and lit off his cigarette; inhaling deeply and allowing tobacco smoke invading his lungs to calm him down. It was the tenth call this day and none of the people who were interested wanted to model for him for such low price. They were all picky, and when heard that he was only an art student, turned him down immediately. He mentally cursed Isabelle's idea; he hadn't anticipated that his offer would be so attractive – at least until he spoke of money; his phone was going off all the time.<p>

He was thinking about taking off that stupid announcement or simply turning off his phone ,and just drawing some of Izzy's friends. She sure as hell had dozens of them. But still something prevented him, he didn't want to work with some shallow,angst-ridden teen. He wanted to find someone worth drawing, someone who would catch his attention and inspire him, and he felt in his bones that the wait would be really worth it.

His azure eyes narrowed and he puffed with exasperation when he heard the tune that indicated that someone was calling him _again _. He was sure that in a few days he would despise The Heart-shaped Box by Nirvana, even though it was always one of his all-time favourites. He put his halfway-finished fag in the ashtray, and snatched the black, torture device with irritation.

"Yes?" He snapped, annoyed that one more person disturbed his reading of "_One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest_". Damn, he wanted to know what Mc. Murphy would do to annoy that mean harpy managing the Hospital.

"Hi, I read that ad about modeling on Internet, is it still actual? Or am I late?" Answered deep,rich, luscious voice; Alec was shocked to the silence."Oh, I forgot to introduce myself, how rude, I'm Magnus Bane."

"Y.. yes, the offer is still on. " He stuttered and chastised himself. He was behaving like a high school girl, just because some guy's voice sounded nice. _"Not nice" _He thought. _"It sounded like a pure sex." _

"You still there?" Magnus inquired, and Alec felt like a total idiot. He had to get grip on himself.

"Yeah, sorry about that. Like I said the offer is still on, but the payment is not very big, and if you're thinking about professional modeling… Well, I'm not going to promote you. I'm just an art student who needs someone to pose for him, I mean for me, and the teacher won't allow me to work on portraits of any of my friends and…" Alec was babbling desperately, trying to conceal his previous almost-minute lapse of silence.

"Doesn't matter, I'll take it." Magnus cut him off curtly, his tone rude.

"But… but you don't know how much…"

"Like I said it doesn't matter." Magnus brushed him off like he was in a big hurry. "It will be interesting experience, and any money will be good. So you probably wanna meet somewhere to see me, after all you will draw me or paint or whatever else, so you must like my appearance?"

"Of course, well let's say … you know that Starbucks at theFlatbush Avenue, near Brooklyn Academy of Music?"

"Sure, I live nearby."

"Excellent, be there at 5 p.m. tomorrow?"

"Sure, Bye." His soon-to-be-model hung on him when Alec suddenly realized that he didn't ask how he looked like, or didn't even have a chance to introduce himself. How were they going to recognize themselves? "Well, I'll cross that bridge, when I come to it." He mused and smiled with satisfaction. He finally had someone to draw, or at least he thought so. Suddenly he felt giddy, his dark mood already forgotten.

As he resumed his reading, he thought that he couldn't wait till tomorrow. He wanted to find out if the voice suited the looks.

* * *

><p>Magnus put his blackberry down and admired his freshly made manicure, he wasn't sure if he did the right thing. That art student shouldn't really be younger than him, but he sure sounded like some high-school kid. It annoyed him to no end. <em>"But after all, it's a job, and if it meant one client less a day, I would take it any day.<em>" He mused.

He hated his so-called job with passion, but it was like a drug. When you started it, you fell deeply, became addicted, dependent on it. There were many names for him, because of what he had been doing for living since he was seventeen – a gigolo, a whore, a prostitute… - but he called himself an Escort. It didn't sound so crude that way and sometimes it helped him not to feel so disgusted with his body. But deep-down he knew what he was – a pathetic, used excuse for a human being – and he was perfectly aware what people thought of such likes as him.

His thoughts drifted to his quite happy childhood, well happy until his mum died when he was six. He didn't remember much of his mother before her illness – foggy flashes of her lovely face, delicious pancakes on weekend mornings, and warm, delightful laugh ringing through their small flat. But these which were vividly imprinted in his mind, were the memories of clean, sterile smell of hospital, and white, small room where his mom was laying motionlessly, her face much paler than usual, her jet-black hair contrasting strongly with the whiteness of the pillows. Her face became thinner and thinner showing of her high cheeks bones, and replacing the usual softness of her beautiful features while the cancer was eating her away.

He remembered being scared and confused, because he had no idea what was really going on, and his father didn't want to explain him _"why his mommy was at that awful place instead of home, playing with him". _He remembered how his father lashed out at him, calling him selfish brat and taking away his favourite teddy bear as a punishment. But the most vividly of all he remembered the day his mum died. He didn't understand anything, a month ago she had been fine – maybe had been sleeping more than usual – but had been fine, and now she was dead, gone? He didn't even completely understand the word.

The nurse at the hospital said that she was in the better place, but where was that better place? The best place in the world was at home with him and daddy. When he asked his dad about it in the car on their way home, the man snapped at him telling him to "_shut the fuck up_". As soon as they got home, he ran away to his room, hiding under his colourful covers the irrational fear seizing him, wishing that the dragons printed on material would protect him. He tried to block out his father angry screams, and noises of things thrown down on the floor in fits of rage. He tried to stop his violent shaking, and flood of tears tracking down his cheeks, but he couldn't. When the sounds died away, he quietly snuck out of his bedroom, and went to the living room. His father was sleeping on the sofa, an empty bottle of whisky lying on his chest. Magnus took it gently – so that he wouldn't disturb the man's rest – and covered him with thick, woolen blanket.

That was the day his childhood ended.

His self-phone going off disturbed his reverie. _"Another client_" He thought bitterly, picking up the phone.

"Hello, this is Aimé speaking." He purred, his tongue rolling around letters, subconsciously trying to seduce the other person. "How can I help you today?"

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><p><strong>AN:**

**Aimé – means "beloved" in French**

**I know it was all descriptive and all, but I hope you liked it. Tell me what you think, I had a really tough time writing Magnus, so tell me how I did?**

**If you have some questions, feel free to P.M or something.**

**Reviews motivate, and get chapters faster.**


	3. A new light

**I'm not an English native speaker, and I don't own the Mortal Instruments.**

**Warnings: swearing, prostitution, violence, anorexia, homophobia, possible lemons in the future.**

**As always big thank you to StarryOwlEyes, my precious beta.**

**I have no idea, when this chapter would be up, if StarryOwlEyes and Kiyori-chan didn't push me to write it. ::hugs both::  
><strong>

**Enjoy.**

_When darkness is no less than everything you've built become undone  
>There's no fight and no flight, disaster leaves your passion overrun<em>

_It's time to let go, it's time to carry on with the show_  
><em>don't mourn what is gone, greet the dawn<em>

_n' I will be standing by your side_  
><em>together we'll face the turning tide<em>

_Remembrance, can be a sentence, but it comes to you with a second chance in tow_  
><em>Don't lose it, don't refuse it, cos you cannot learn a thing you think you know<em>

_A new light is warm, shining down on you after the storm_  
><em>Don't mourn what is gone, greet the dawn<em>

_n' I will be standing by your side_  
><em>together we'll face the turning tide<em>

_~Dawn, by Poets of thaFall_

Alec fidgeted in his chair, trying his hardest to listen to Mr. Morgenstern 's lecture about Picasso's techniques. It didn't exactly help that he hated that blond jerk's guts, and every time he heard his voice his blood boiled. Never in his life had he met such biased and cruel teacher. He criticized every painting Alec submitted, and he didn't do that in a nice way either. Sometimes Mr. Hodge told Alec that he screwed up too, but he was always kind and gentle when he did that, always considerate to other artists' feelings. However, Valentine Morgenstern was different, he was spiteful, heartless man – no wonder his wife left him if he behaved that way all the time – and it seemed that his life's mission was making Alec's course hell. It had always been "Lightwood" that got called to be questioned – even though they sometimes hadn't covered the material yet – and if he didn't know the proper answer, he became humiliated by the teacher's harsh remarks every single time.

Alexander looked at his watch desperately wishing the time would speed. Once he was finally free, he would be able to go to the Starbucks, and meet his new model. He couldn't wait. Suddenly he remembered the man's sultry, deep voice. It made him tingle all over even though he didn't have a face to match it, not yet at least.

"Lightwood! Did you suddenly find that horrid watch of yours that fascinating, or maybe Picasso is not worthy enough for your ears?" Alec gulped and looked up into ice-cold orbs of Valentine, trying not to look scared, and failing miserably at it. He pressed desperately into the chair, when the teacher banged his large hands on his desk, and lowered his head, so that he was at eye-level with the blue-eyed boy. "Tell me Lightwood, what were you thinking about when you were supposed to listen to me?"

"Nothing important, sir." He replied,his fingers fumbling nervously with his shirt's sleeve. Somehow he didn't think that Morgenstern would appreciate his truthful answer if he admitted how he was thinking about his model's sexy voice when he was supposed to pay attention to the lesson.

"Of course it was nothing important, you foolish brat." Valentine whispered. "You have no respect for the art, I don't know how you got accepted into this school in the first place, probably by daddy's cash. No talent whatsoever." He hissed in Alec's face, while the whole class listened intently. Alex felt himself blush angrily, and told himself firmly that the riposte was not worth it, he would only make things worse. The teacher was biased and nothing would ever change it. "You'll deliver me an essay on the Picasso's early pieces in two days. Three thousand words. Class dismissed." He swept out of the class and Alec sagged in his uncomfortable chair. This day had been so good so far: he wasn't late to the first class, he snagged his favourite snack from the cafeteria, and he was supposed to meet the luscious-voice-man. Trust Valentine to ruin his happiness.

He huffed and started to throw his books in the schoolbag furiously. He was beyond livid. How was he supposed to write that essay in two days? He had different assignments to hand over too. He wasn't able to do that, and Morgenstern very well knew about it.

Suddenly he felt very resigned. He was not hopeful and cheerful about that meeting anymore, now he dreaded it – after all everyone knows that misery loves company.

* * *

><p>Alec was sitting at the back of Brooklyn Starbucks, hidden from the world, still fuming. Rarely did he get so worked-up about anything, but the teacher had his way to push his buttons. He slowly sipped at his favourite Caffè Misto, trying to relax and telling himself that it didn't matter what Valentine thought or said. Still, being told that he had no talent, got to him. He had always been insecure about his works, and Morgenstern was right there, fueling the feeling all the time. His musings were interrupted by his phone vibrating slightly, it must have been the guy, he was supposed to meet nearly fifteen minutes ago. Who gets late to his first meeting with the new employee? Even if the job is lowly-paid? He picked up, while his irritation was growing all the time.<p>

"Yeah?" He pressed forcefully the answer-button with vindictive satisfaction.

"Hi, it's me Magnus. Can you tell me where you're and what're you wearing? There is a lot of people in here, and I have no idea how you look like, so it's kind of hard to pick you up, you know." Answered him the well-known now, luscious voice, but instead of good mood, the wave of irritation swept through Alec.

"Well, you would know, if you had the time to listen to me yesterday instead of hanging on me." He snapped and drummed his fingers anxiously on the wooden table. "I'm in the back, wearing white shirt and black trousers. I've got black hair, enough?"

"Yes, I think I can see you. Why are you drinking the most boring coffee in the world?" Magnus asked, amusement shining through his words.

"Maybe because I like it." He didn't mean to be prickly. But he had already been mad, and that guy's comments just fueled his need to take his frustration out on somebody.

His gaze suddenly focused on the tall, willowy man threading his way through the crowd of the New Yorkers demanding their fix of caffeine, and he felt his mouth go dry. The man was simply gorgeous. He was wearing black tank-top, which showed off his beautifully sculpted chest and fire-red scarf snaking around his slender neck, right next to protruding collar bones. Red skinny-jeans hugged him in all the right places highlighting his perfect – in Alec's opinion – ass. But the most out-standing thing about him was his face. Alec's baby blues first landed on his high, nearly aristocratic, delicate cheek-bones, but quickly slid to extraordinary green-yellow orbs, outlined by thick, kohl eye-liner and two sets of thick, long lashes. He thought absently that he could get lost in that greenish heaven every he noticed ebony, messily styled strands, through which he would have loved to run his hands. Finally, his eyes lazily slithered to the full, red lips. Lips that were moving in rather appealing way…

"Hello? Earth to … well, I still don't know your name." Magnus smiled pleasantly, waving his hand in front of Alec's face and showing off his perfect manicure.

"Oh my god, sorry I tuned you out." The blue-eyed boy blushed heavily, embarrassed at his gawking beyond the world. "_He must think I'm such a weirdo. Way to go Lightwood_" He thought desperately, but tried to cover his mistake by sheepish grin. "Didn't mean to. I'm Alexander Lightwood, um … you can call me Alec, everyone does."

"It's okay, I'm Magnus." He chuckled quietly, and the boy felt even more blood rushing to his face. He wondered how that was even possible, he must have already looked like a tomato. "I tend to do that to people, even though I toned my clothes a little bit today." His new model winked shamelessly at him and sat down, sipping his Frappuccino Mocha with a delighted smile. "So Alexander, shall we begin?"

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><p><strong>I'm not really happy with this chapter, first part came out of nowhere, but I couldn't help but write it :). <strong>

**So tell me if you liked the chap, and if you motivate me, I will try write the new chap. quickly, deal? **

**Reviews are love.**


	4. The spectator and the life

**A/N: Sorry for the wait, chapter would have been up 4 days ago, but I lost most of it, so I had to re-write it**

**Huge thanks to awesome TheFeatherQuill, who corrected all my stupid mistakes**

**And this chapter is dedicated to my lovely Vivlangford, who lately had really rough time.**

**Please, read A/N at the bottom of the page, alright? It's kinda important.**

The spectator and the life  
><em>„All art is at once surface and symbol.<br>Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.  
>Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.<br>It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.  
>Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital."<br>~"The Picture of Dorian Grey", Oscar Wild_

Magnus was sitting in front of the most adorably delicious boy in the whole New York. And the blue-eyed wonder had no clue how attractive he really was. Normally, he wouldn't even have paid attention to the boy, even if he was indeed handsome, because he never invested in any relationships. Firstly, he didn't have time for one –and countless clients banging on his door sure as hell didn't help. Secondly no one would have liked to be with him if they knew what he did for living. And finally he didn't really feel the need to have relationship. He had "sex" several times a day, so it wasn't like he was horny. And no person invoked the alacrity in him to get to know them so far. But this boy, this Alec, was something special. He had known him for roughly 20 minutes, and suddenly he wanted to know everything about him. It was totally insane.

He observed Alec's rosy, full lips as he was describing his new project and what it would entail for the model. "Seven deadly sins" was somehow fitting him, and the irony was not lost on the man either. Him -the sinner as most people would call him – would be the face of the worst-doings. Of course, Alexander had no idea about his profession, and he couldn't find out. If he did , he would certainly reject him. And Magnus was so not having that happen. His job was also the reason that he had to stay away from this innocent soul – romantically that is. He scolded himself; he didn't even know if the poor boy was gay. And here he was lusting after him. What was wrong with him? He focused on Alec's words, instead of the appealing movement of his lips.

"So.. . I would like to start right away. And I thought we would, but unfortunately something came up and I won't be free for at least next two days," Alec said, his tone bitter. Magnus frowned and wondered what was up with "that something". "So would it be alright, if we met on Friday afternoon?"

"Yeah, I think so. What time do you have in mind?" Magnus replied and shuffled to check his blackberry for the schedule for that day.

"Between 4 p.m. and 6 p.m.?"

"Perfect for me," He replied gleefully. His new client was supposed to be at his place at 7 p.m., so he would easily make it to the meeting. From the address that Alec gave him, he was sure that his way home would take about twenty minutes. "We are going to meet at your place, right?" He inquired carefully.

"Sure, I've got all the supplies there. Also before I forget, at first I would like to draw you all natural, so that I can learn all the lines and all. That way it will be easier for me to come up with the ideas for the actual project. Is that okay with you?"

"Yeah, whatever work for you Blue Eyes. I'm just your tool," he winked and with delighted grin observed as blood rushed to Alec's cheeks, colouring him.

"Don't call me that. My name's Alec," the boy whined, what made Magnus' smile to grow even wider.

"I know that," he said and rested his chin on his hand, gazing intently in Alec's azure orbs. "Tell me now, Alexander, do we also get to do "art nude" or do we stay in the PG-13 rating?"

"What? NO! No nudity!" The blue-eyed boy spluttered indignantly, his face covered in crimson blush.

"Shame," Magnus sighed and looked at his watch. Damn, he had to go. "Alright Blue Eyes, unfortunately I have to go. We'll meet on Friday. See you soon," he winked again, and strutted away.

Alec stared at his back and thought that he had never met anyone with such vibrant personality. He couldn't wait to start working with Magnus; something drew him to the model.

* * *

><p>Alec was dead-tired; he had no idea how he had managed to submit all the assignments. But pulling an all- nighter was definitely worth it – the memory of Valentine's incredulous face when he gave him his complete essay made him smile. Sadly he was paying for it now. He was half-awake; and he was supposed to meet Magnus in a few minutes. Above all, he certainly was not seeming his best, looking more like panda bear- with dark bruises under his eyes marring his face.<p>

He was thinking about postponing the session, but then he came to the realization that he wanted to see the gorgeous man. He very well knew that he had just met the luscious model, but already felt strong pull to him.

He really was behaving like a besotted school-girl. But he sure as hell did not run to the door when the bell rang, which resounded loudly through the flat. And he didn't tripped on the air either– most certainly not.  
>When he finally opened the door, the sight of Magnus - in skin-tight jeans and green shirt covered in… was that glitter? –welcomed him. He felt his eyes widen, when he caught the man's smile. How could one be so sexy? He was sure that his sleep-deprivation was responsible for that. Yes, his exhausted and abused brain was exaggerating things. It was simple as that.<br>"Hello Blue Eyes. Something wrong with your knee?" He asked raising his eyebrows and biting his lips in order not to laugh at the boy.  
>"Ugh, hi, don't even ask," Alec scowled, that really hurt. It was a fact – he was dangerous for himself. "Come in."<p>

Magnus stepped in and looked around, his greenish eyes swirling with curiosity. The flat was simple, almost too simple, at least for him, but it was perfect for Alec. And it really couldn't be missed that it was an artist's place either. Everywhere - and he meant everywhere – were scattered pencils, paint bottles and unfinished sketches. He even saw an easel . Alex really was an artsy being. And he oddly liked it.

"So, what do we do now?" Magnus asked, rising one, thin eyebrow.

That one eyebrow was really distracting Alec right now, and not helping his libido either. He willed himself to focus. He wasn't there for fun, but for work.

"Can you sit somewhere, so i can do the rough sketch to get familiar with your features?" The blue-eyed artist suggested. _"As if I wasn't familiar with them by now, they're imprinted in my mind forever," _he mused.

"What am I supposed to look like? Sexy or…" the man inquired teasingly.

"No, relaxed. Sit somewhere where you'll be comfortable, I want you at ease." Alec cut Magnus off to stop the flow of the words that the man's tongue rolled around sensually. He wondered at his accent, it sure wasn't a Brooklyn one.

Magnus chose to just lie on the black, leather sofa, his head propped in such way he could observe exactly what Alec did. The boy sat on the soft, grey carpet, his legs crossed, the tip of the pencil in between his straight, white teeth. The expression was thoughtful while he gazed at his model. And when he grasped the prism pencil in his palm, the black end touching the paper gently, Magnus couldn't look away. He was fascinated by the strokes of the tool-some sure, long, smooth, and the others short, ragged. He marveled at the boy's expression; his brows scrunched, lower lip captured between his incisor teeth, azure, determined eyes flicking from the drawing to Magnus.

They were chatting idly about their favourite books and movies- Alexander drawing insistently all the time. With a surprise, Magnus discovered that they had similar taste in literature. They both loved classics; Tolstoy, Dostoyevsky and even Homer was their thing. He felt so relaxed on the leather couch, with Alec's soft voice resounding in the room, that he completely lost the track of time. So when he looked at his watch, he was absolutely astonished and terrified – he had ten minutes till the appointment.

* * *

><p>Magnus was panicking, for the first time in his life he was late for the meeting with his client. And since it was additionally a new one, it could ruin the opinion he had. But above all he was not groomed for the date. He was in his casual clothes, and his make-up was nothing fancy. He took stairs leading to his flat with breathtaking speed, and noticed a man standing by his door, leaning on the wall. His cold, grey eyes bore into Magnus and he shivered.<p>

"Hello pet, you're horribly late," the client stated, with unpleasant smirk on his oval face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:**

**Okay guys I've got bad news. I have to focus on school assignments, especially on three of my works: Physics Extended Essay, History Internal Assessment and World Literature Assignment, so there probably won't update for two weeks. Well, unless there will be like 20 review for this chapter, so then I will pull all-nighter, an write it for you, but that probably won't happen.**


	5. Bury it, smother it

**A/N: Thank you guys for the reviews, I totally didn't expect so many. I was floored! I'm so sorry for the long wait, it was all my broken computer's fault, but now I'm back! This chapter was corrected by awesome TheFeatherQuill, she's the best.**

**Warnings: violence & sexual content below**

**Also, I posted some time ago Malec one-shot: Everything Fades, check it out if you want**

**And one more thing, amazing Kiyori-chan did the drawing of Magnus for the Lust piece, give her some feedback, she is so talented!**

**Here is the link: www (dot) kyrenae (dot) deviantart (dot) com/art/Magnus-Lust-7-Deadly-Sins-244922372**

Chapter 5 – Bury it, smother it  
><em><br>No warning sign, no alibi  
>We faded faster than the speed of light<br>Took our chance, crashed and burned  
>No we'll never ever learn<em>

_I fell apart, but got back up again_  
><em>And then I fell apart, but got back up again yeah<em>

_We both could see crystal clear_  
><em>That the inevitable end was near<em>  
><em>Made our choice, a trial by fire<em>  
><em>To battle is the only way we feel... alive<em>

_I fell apart, but got back up again_  
><em>And then I fell apart, but got back up again<em>  
><em>And then I fell apart, but got back up again<em>

_Way, oh, way, oh_

_So here we are, the witching hour_  
><em>The quickest tongue to divide and devour<em>  
><em>Divide and devour<em>

_If I could end the quest for fire,_  
><em>For truth, for love and my desire<em>  
><em>Myself<em>

_And I fell apart, but got back up again_  
><em>~Alibi, 30 Seconds to Mars<em>

The dying-out sunlight shone through the window falling on the huddled form which was crying softly on the satin covered bed. The boy's clothes had been thrown around carelessly: green shirt without buttons which were ripped by the forceful, unforgiving hands.

Magnus could taste blood when his tongue came out to wet his cracked lips. It had been a really long time since he had felt so battered, so used, so pathetic. It reminded him of the time when he arrived to the Big Apple as a seventeen year old, where he worked on the infamous 53rd, catching any possible chance to get money, to survive.

He laid motionlessly under the covers, numb all over. Even the harsh tune of his self-phone resounding in his flat didn't rouse him. He wondered why he didn't become immune to such treatment after all these years. He couldn't comprehend it. If it hadn't broken him so far, why he couldn't get used to it. No, his fucked-up mind made him reminisce everything. Every time such client happened, his brain played out every single second of the encounter , over and over, torturing him till he fell asleep. And even then his dreams wouldn't give him relief because they were nightmares, or rather memories haunting him almost every single night.

* * *

><p><em>As soon as he saw Neil, he could tell that he was one of <strong>those<strong> people – cold, cruel, and heartless. They enjoyed human pain – the louder you screamed or tried to scratch them, the more aroused they got. Magnus knew this type too well, multiple scars marring his tan body proved as much. And every time he sensed such a man, he wanted to run as fast as he could. But unfortunately he couldn't afford such a luxury. If he started to refuse random people his services, he would go bust. So against his better judgment and despite all his instincts screaming for him to flee and hide, he sauntered closer to the grey-eyed man and smiled seductively._

_As soon as he closed the door behind them and heard the unmistakable sound of cash dumped on the table, he felt strong, calloused hands pushing him unceremoniously to the bed. The buttons rolled on the floor when Neil – as he introduced himself, and Magnus doubted it was his real name– ripped his new shirt from his torso. He heard himself involuntary whimper as the client unzipped his pants and hurriedly took them off, the black boxers sliding with the tight denim. Satisfied with his undressed toy the man turned Magnus around, the Escort's face nuzzling into the soft pillow._  
><em>He muffled his terrified moan when he heard tell-tale sound of Neil's zipper being pulled slowly down and the sound of condom's wrapper being ripped open. He tensed his body- even though he knew better- as he felt the tip of the man's length at his entrance, the client's nails biting into the sensitive skin of his hips.<em>

_After that he didn't recall much; a deep, rough thrust which sent waves of pain through his body, low grunts of pleasure of the man above, harsh palms squeezing and bruising his skin, his own involuntary whimpers despite clenching his teeth and biting his lips, desperately trying not to utter a sound, not to give that monster satisfaction, and failing. And after Neil got bored with the position in which Magnus couldn't fight back much, he changed it, so that the escort had to gaze into the cold grey orbs. He received stinging slaps he got whenever the man didn't like something – which was apparently a lot._

* * *

><p>Magnus carefully rolled on his side and whimpered quietly when the sheet grazed the scratched skin of his back and hips. He had to call Alec and cancel the meeting they had planned for the next day, but his blackberry seemed to be so far away. And he didn't have strength to get up.<p>

When he thought of Alec, a set of huge, perfect, blue orbs appeared right in front of his eyes. He had never seen such beautiful colour. It seemed that all the tones of blue were mixed together to ensure such extraordinary effect: the darker and brighter shades swirling together. He chastised himself quickly. He shouldn't be thinking about Alexander. The boy was too good, too talented for such rubbish like himself. Hell, he wouldn't look in the mirror, if it was not necessary for applying make-up. He was so hideous, and revolting.

So why would pure, innocent Alec ever be interested in such pathetic being? He had to get these musings about the azure-eyed wonder out of his mind. Sure the artist was incredibly cute, and he was very attracted to him, but there was no possibility of _them_ happening. He would not taint the boy. Not now, not ever.

* * *

><p>Alec was sprawled on his enormous bed, a ridiculous smile on his face. Never had he felt so inspired, and he didn't even know Magnus at all. Yet. He promised himself that he would get to know model very soon. For him the man seemed so mysterious and mature. He was shocked when Magnus revealed that they were the same age. The model, in comparison to Alec, looked like he was at least 21. Or maybe it was that Alex had this childish, still slightly rounded despite his high cheekbones, face while Magnus was all sharp angles, making him seem older than he really was.<p>

Looking more mature or not, the model was gorgeous. He felt so lucky that he could draw him. And the process was amazing too – it was so intense! He couldn't wait to put finishing touches to the paper. But he was tired and afraid he would mess the portrait of the beautiful man up. And he was so not having it.

He was startled from his musing by the ringtone of his cell. When he saw that it was Magnus, he grinned. The huge, toothful smile disappeared though when he heard scratchy, quiet voice; so different from the velvet, smooth one he was already accustomed to.

"Hi Alec. You weren't sleeping, were you?" The model asked quietly, almost unsurely. Alec furrowed his brows, worried.

"No, I wasn't… Is something wrong?" He questioned boldly. He was rather known for his straightforwardness. He had never beat around the bush before. And he didn't like the sound of Magnus' voice at all. It sounded like he had been screaming or crying.

"No? Why would you ask that?" He heard the man's confusion clearly. Maybe he was imagining things and Magnus only had sore throat or something.

"You just sounded off, " he replied, fumbling with the edge of the navy pillow. "Anyway, why did you call? Unless you just wanted to talk? That's perfectly okay too."

"Nah, I just wanted to tell you that something happened and I won't be able to come tomorrow, I'm sorry."

"Oh.. that's fine, I guess…" Damn, it was so not fine, he was disappointed, and curious about what happened. But it was Magnus' personal stuff, so he restrained himself and held back from grilling his model for answers.

"Okay, I was afraid that you would be mad. Anyway, I've got to go Alec, I'll call you when I'll be available again. Bye!" He said quickly and hung up, again. Alec wondered when he had time to even breath between the words.

Honestly, he was a little worried. Magnus didn't sound like his usual flamboyant self. But on the other hand he didn't want to intrude. He probably had some minor problems that he could deal with soon. He at least hoped so.

With the image of the green, tinged with golden specks orbs he fell asleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Please don't kill me?**

**Review please! I know I'm awful …**


	6. Haunted

**I do not own Mortal Instruments, do I even have to repeat myself!**

**Thanks to TheFeatherQuill, my lovely beta, for correcting my weird mistakes.**

**I know that you want Malec, but I'm really having fun with exploring the characters, so… enjoy?**

_Help, I have done it again  
>I have been here many times before<br>Hurt myself again today  
>And, the worst part is there's no-one else to blame<em>

_Be my friend_  
><em>Hold me, wrap me up<em>  
><em>Unfold me<em>  
><em>I am small<em>  
><em>I'm needy<em>  
><em>Warm me up<em>  
><em>And breathe me<em>

_Ouch I have lost myself again_  
><em>Lost myself and I am nowhere to be found,<em>  
><em>Yeah I think that I might break<em>  
><em>I've lost myself again and I feel unsafe<em>

_Be my friend_  
><em>Hold me, wrap me up<em>  
><em>Unfold me<em>  
><em>I am small<em>  
><em>I'm needy<em>  
><em>Warm me up<em>  
><em>And breathe me<em>  
><em>~Breathe me, Sia<em>

The spring was really beautiful this year. Alec sighed deeply, directing his face towards the warm sun rays. His hand ceased the rapid movements of his pencil when he decided that sketch of Magnus was finished. The model was gorgeous; his beauty enhanced by his relaxed, lazy stance, his face displaying playfulness. The artist gently smudged with the tips of his fingers making Magnus' eyes pop the outline of the coach.

"It's beautiful," someone said behind his back. He started, the drawing falling to the ground with a quiet whish. He turned around to find Isabelle's upturned lips, her hand propped on her hip, wearing a skirt that made his brotherly instincts kick in. He narrowed his eyes, trying to look stern, but failed when a slow, soft smile crept on his face. "You're so easy to startle, Alec. Always so engrossed with your art that you wouldn't notice an earthquake."

"Shut up. You are just too quiet. I swear I'll put a bell around your neck, so that you'll make that jingling, annoying sound whenever you move."

"Like a sheep?" She asked, her brows and nose scrunching in disapproval.

"Exactly like a sheep," he snickered and ducked when his sister tried to smack his head in retort.

"Show me that drawing," she demanded, waving her hand impatiently. "Is that your new model?"

"Yeah… " He laid back on the soft grass, his hands folded behind his head. Isabelle studied the paper, focusing on the delicate lines that created a portrayal of man's features. "It's lacking something though. I love it, but it feels kind of unfinished. I don't know why," he said, his gaze lazily following clouds on the cerulean sky. He smiled when he noticed one in a shape of a horse. He missed horse-riding.

"Alexander Gideon Lightwood! That guy is seriously hot! You must hit on him!" Isabelle suddenly exclaimed, breaking off his idle musings. He raised one eyebrow and grinned at his sister.

"He's gorgeous, isn't he?" He sighed dreamily, while Izzy stared at him openmouthed. She had never heard her brother stating that someone was cute, beautiful or even pretty. He had it really bad.

"You're already crushing on him!" She burst out delighted and observed as a dark, crimson blush crept oh her brother's cheeks. "What is his name? Age? I wanna know everything! Everything!"

"Whoa! Calm down, I've met him only twice. There's nothing to tell!"He replied, his defenses going up at her demanding tone.

She narrowed her eyes focusing on her brother's relaxed stance on the ground, her face taking on a mischievous grimace . Suddenly Alec found himself being mercilessly tickled, a very unmanly squeal and laughter eliciting from his chest as Izzy's expert fingers dug in and exploited every weak spot on his torso- one of her hands holding his struggling ones above his head. Finally unable to free himself from her grip, he panted his agreement and she sat back smiling innocently.

"That was so mean, Izzy! You know I hate it." He massaged his abused ribs, and glared at the girl.

"That's why I do that. Now spill."

"Well… his name's Magnus. He's my age. He is obsessed with fashion, so I think you would get on together perfectly. And he seems really sensitive, even if he tries to conceal it with his wittiness. Oh and he teases me all the time. I'm wondering why my head didn't explode with all that blushing I have been doing."Isabelle giggled and squeezed his hand gently. "But you know… Like I said, he's totally gorgeous. I don't think I stand the chance. Even if I did, I'm kind of afraid after that huge high-school fiasco with Sebastian…"

"Oh Alec…" She sighed sadly. "That was few years ago. You have to let it go, and learn to trust again…"

"I don't know if I can Izzy…" He replied, biting his lower lip, his face agonized.

She laid next to him, curling her body into his firm one, trying to comfort him in only way that she knew. She just wished that her brother hadn't suffered so much. She wanted to take all that pain, all his insecurities away, to chase away his demons.

* * *

><p>Magnus painstakingly slowly opened his eyes, not recalling last evening in his sleepy haze. He tried to stretch and erase the tension from his body. But when he moved a little, he cringed as pain assaulted his nether regions. Suddenly yesterday's night came back to him with full force.<p>

He sighed heavily and rolled from his bed, trying to ignore his screaming muscles. Fortunately, he had only one appointment planned for today, and it was at 10 p.m. He would recover a bit by then with some help of painkillers and concealer. He looked at his cellphone and his eyes bugged out whenhe saw that it was already 4 p.m.

Oh and he didn't have any painkillers. Great. He was supposed to buy them yesterday, but he was distracted by the perspective of seeing Alec, and later he didn't have time. After Neil he didn't have an ounce strength left. He went straight to sleep, not bothering to even shower- he exhausted last of his energy when he called Alexander to cancel their meeting. After that he fell asleep. If one can call that sleep.

He woke up every hour or so, haunted by the images of the past . The worst were the memories of his father. Some people would say that he was exaggerating, that he was a drama queen since his father had never abused him physically. He hit him only once when he told him he was gay. Then he threw him out, not even giving him a chance to take his things or money. No, his father wasn't pro-violence. But the things he said were so much worse, because sometimes the words hurt more than punches. They buried themselves in Magnus' subconsciousness, influencing him, dragging his practically non-existent self-esteem even further down. His dad had never told him that he was proud of him, never hugged him when he was scared or sad. Instead he blamed innocent child for his wife's death, her somehow natural death – if cancer could be ever called natural. He let lose his frustration by hissing filled with venom insults towards his only son.

But the worst of all for Magnus was that fact that his father was always kind and gentle for other kids. Never for him.

_Magnus was playing with his old teddy-bears in front of his house, laying on his stomach on soft, vibrant green grass, delighting in the feeling of warm Miami sun on his back. Some other kids were running around nearby, playing some game. They ignored him. He had never been invited to their games. He was different, a freak like his father liked to pinpoint._  
><em>A red car pulled into the driveway and his father – a tall, black-haired man – got out of the vehicle. Magnus tensed. It was his instinctual reaction to his parent's presence. The man turned to the children from the neighborhood and gestured for them to come closer.<em>  
><em>"Hello kids!" He greeted them cheerfully, gently ruffling the hair on the blond boy's head.<em>  
><em>"Hello Mr. Bane!"They cried in unison.<em>  
><em>"I've got something for you!" He exclaimed excited. "Guess what?"<em>  
><em>"Candies?" The blond kid asked eagerly, earning himself a chuckle from his father and another ruffle of his platinum strands.<em>  
><em>"Smart boy! Here you are." He gave the children a bag full of sweets and observed with soft smile as they shouted excitedly.<em>  
><em>Magnus felt jealousy flare through his whole being. His father had never ruffled his hair like that or gave him candies. He always told him that he was worthless and should be grateful for the roof over his head and warm food, because he didn't deserve that.<em>  
><em>"Come on brat. Go to your room." He hissed and pushed small, scrawny Magnus inside big, empty house.<em>

Magnus was shuffling around drug store impatiently, a black hood obscuring his face. He gazed at the long queue with exasperation. Oh well, maybe in another store he would be more lucky. He turned around in order to retreat from the store and he froze. Right in front of him there was a set of huge, wide, azure orbs.

"M… Magnus?"Alec stuttered, his eyes shocked and concerned simultaneously.

* * *

><p><strong>Please review, it gets the updates faster.<strong>

**And you want update soon, don't you?**

**It would be nice to get to 100… nah I'm just joking :)**


	7. Always pushing up the hill

I'm not an English native speaker and I do not own Mortal Instruments.

Betaed by the lovely, wonderful StarryOwlEyes.

You guys are amazing, you nearly got to 100! And the chapter would have been up much earlier, but first I got migraine and then bad case of writer's block. I'm still not satisfied with the chapter, but enjoy…

**Warnings: I guess language**

_Hold it together, birds of a feather,_

_Nothing but lies and crooked wings._

_I have the answer, _

_You are the faith inside me._

_No, don't_

_Leave me to die here,_

_Help me survive here._

_Alone, don't remember, remember._

_Put me to sleep evil angel._

_Open your wings evil angel._

_I'm a believer,_

_Nothing could be worse,_

_All these imaginary friends._

_Hiding betrayal,_

_Driving the nail,_

_Hoping to find a savior._

_Oh._

_Fly over me evil angel._

_Why can't I breathe evil angel?_

_~Evil Angel, Breaking Benjamin_

"M… Magnus?" Alec gasped, his cobalt orbs taking in Magnus' drab attire; his make-up free face, tired eyes, and… Was that a bruise on his cheek? And a split lip? It was easily noticeable that the boy tried to cover it up, and from the distance one wouldn't be able to see anything. However, standing with the man nose to nose it was really hard to miss the dark outline marring the model's beautiful face. He wondered if there were more injuries, and where they came from. Magnus looked panicked, as if someone caught him red-handed during some inexcusable act. His green eyes were flicking right and left as if they were searching for the way to escape. "Magnus, what happened to you?"

"What? Whatever are you talking about?" The model asked, raising his eyebrow and trying to act confused. Only this time Alec was not falling for that. He narrowed his eyes, grabbed Magnus' wrist and ignoring the boy's hiss of pain when his fingers clutched abused skin, hauled him out of store.

"Let me fucking go! Alexander!" The model protested, yanking his hand from Alec's death-grip.

"No way. Did you even cleanse the cut on your cheek? Or that split lip? You look like hell Magnus!" The artist burst out, his hands fisted, his nails biting into the flesh, and his knuckles white. He had no idea why he was so pissed. Maybe because Magnus lied to him last night. On the other hand the model didn't have to tell him anything, they barely knew each other, they were practically strangers. Maybe he was mad, because someone had hurt Magnus, and he felt a surge of protectiveness flare through him when he saw the marks. Either way, he knew that his anger was irrational and in reality unjustified, but still he wasn't able to restrain himself."We're going to my flat. Now. And I will not hear any of your bullshit excuses," he hissed to the model, making Magnus' further protests die in his throat. Complacently he trudged next to the artist.

On their way to Alex' apartment Magnus thought that it was nice to feel cared about for once.

* * *

><p>"Wait here. " Alec pointed to the leather coach the model had been posing on yesterday. "I'll get you some painkillers and some peroxide for that cut, okay?"<p>

Magnus just nodded and the artist wondered if he was mad at him for dragging him all this way to his flat. He didn't really care… Okay, he cared a lot, but for him it was more important to take care of the man right now; so he ignored the painful pang in his chest when he thought that Magnus could have been indeed pissed off at him.

When he came back with the medical supplies, Magnus was laying on the sofa, asleep, one of his hands tucked under his cheek, the other resting on his ribs. _"He must have been exhausted,"_ Alec thought. He looked so peaceful, his long mascara-free lashes rested on his cheeks, casting delicate shadows, and he didn't want to wake him up. Unfortunately he had to take care of the cuts, and even if he didn't wake him up now, he would while cleaning the injuries. He gently shook he model, and Magnus' greenish eyes shot open, panicked, flicking around the unfamiliar place. When he finally realized where he was, he focused his intense gaze on Alexander's orbs. Alec's hand itched to smooth down the tousled, black strands.

"Are you mad at me?" Alec asked gently swabbing at the long gash on his cheek, Magnus' breath hot on his wrist.

"No," the model replied curtly, smiling a little. That upturned, rosy lipped grin was enough to reassure Alec.

"Tell me, what happened?" The artist whispered, concerned.

"I fell."

"You fell?" Alec asked indignant. That had to be the lamest excuse, he had ever heard.

"Yes, I fell," Magnus stated stubbornly.

"On your face and on your wrist?" Alec inquired, noticing the dark imprints when the sleeve of Magnus' hoodie rode up. "C'mon Magnus, tell me the truth. Did someone attack you? Please, please tell me?" He looked at the model through his long, curved lashes, and the bewitching blue of his eyes still noticeable through them.

"Alright, alright. Stop looking at me like… like _that! _ I got in a fight yesterday. Satisfied?" Magnus huffed and crossed his arms, looking annoyed, the pout still present on his face.

"You got in a fight? Are you crazy? Do you have some other injuries, except these I tended to?" Alec exclaimed, his azure, wide eyes frantically scanning Magnus' body.

"Calm down Alec. The other guy threw just a few punches, only my face hurts, " he assured, squeezing Alexander's palm and gently rubbing his wrist, subconsciously trying to relax him. When he realized what he was doing, he quickly withdrew his fingers, and chastised himself. Alec still didn't look convinced, so he added "I swear nothing else is wrong, I'm fine."

"If you say so," the artist replied. "Do you want something to drink? Maybe coffee? But I warn you, I can't make that fancy stuff you're ordering at Starbucks," he smiled, his blue eyes twinkling happily.

"Sure, I would like some, but add some milk? And a lot of sugar, please?"

When Alec exited the room, Magnus pondered how the boy effortlessly made him feel what he really shouldn't. He couldn't help himself. He marveled at the artist's simple beauty, it didn't have to be enhanced by the clothes or make-up. The boy was beautiful as it was. His alabaster angel-like skin contrasted gloriously with the black thick tresses, and dark azure orbs, that seemed to look into you instead of at you. His rosy lips, the bottom one slightly broader with small dents after the constant biting, begged to be kissed. Magnus couldn't help but admire every gracious movement of Alec's body and that definitely didn't help his resolution to stay away from the artist. He sank into the coach resigned, his shoulders sagged. The endearing, shy smile that Alexander sent him when he entered the room with the two steamy cups of coffee, didn't help his affections either. Magnus wondered desperately how he would resist the temptation.

* * *

><p>Alec sat heavily on the chair in the kitchen, and rubbed his face, waiting for the water to boil. He had a hunch that Magnus was not telling him the truth, but he couldn't do anything about it. It wasn't like he could outright tell him that he was lying and demanded the truth. If the boy was indeed sincere, he would offend him. And he didn't want that, he wanted to get closer to the model, not push him away. He really worried about Magnus though. He said that he got in a fight, but if he did, shouldn't he have scratched knuckles or some indication that he hit someone back? The only marks he noticed where the ones on the face and on the wrists though. As if someone beat the model, held him down, and didn't give him any chance to strike back.<p>

His musings were interrupted by the buzzing of his cell phone. He looked at the screen, and sighed when he saw that it was Jace. He really didn't want to listen to his usual rant about his new girlfriend right now. But he wasn't a type to ignore his friends, so with an annoyed grimace on his face, he picked up.

"Hey, bro!"

"Hi Jace, what's up?"

"You tell me, I haven't seen you for two weeks. What's going on?" His friend asked, his tone supposedly blasé, but Alec knew that he was only masking his concern. If he wasn't worried, he wouldn't ask at all. It made him smile.

"Huh? Nothing is going on, I just had a lot of work and I didn't have time to hang out with you. It's not high-school anymore, you know. And I have this part-time job at the bar, so…"

Jace interrupted him rapidly, "I know, I know… I still don't get it why you are working, your folks are giving you money after all."

"I already told you million times, that they provide only for my rent and some basic expenses. And art supplies are really expensive, and don't tell that Isabelle, she would flip if she knew," he replied tiredly. He would appreciate it if Jace would listen to him sometimes.

"Alright, alright. You really should have more faith in me. Now spill, I heard about some new assignments and models?" His friend inquired, his voice demanding an instant answer, and it immediately irked Alec.

"Yes, I have assignments, Jace. I'm attending art school. And I need models for said assignments," Alec said slowly, as if he spoke to a child." And now I really have to go, will talk to you later."

"Lightwood! Don't you dare hanging up on me!"

"Bye, Jace," the artists said, ignoring his friend's protests, and pressed the button ending his conversation. He very well knew that Jace would bang on the door of his apartment soon, but he simply didn't give a fuck.

He had Magnus in his apartment, on his sofa, and he wasn't wasting the time, he could spend getting to know the luscious model, to listen to Jace's sarcastic remarks, and how he should chill out and get laid.

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><p><strong>Here you are, no nasty cliffhanger this time.<strong>

**But I still want you to review, pretty please? I will let you beat up Neil if you do?**


	8. Uncommon coldness

**I am not an English native speaker.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own the Mortal Instruments**

**Beta: wonderful Kiyori-chan, thank you so much honey! And the moment you are awaiting will be I think next chapter :D**

**I posted lemony one-shot called "Welcome home, Alec". You might want to check it out.**

**And I did the cast for SoBD, it's in my profile.**

**Also, I apologize for the long wait. I had been sick and really not up to writing. And one more thing: the school-year for me begins today, so now the updates will come probably once a week, on Saturday or Sunday.**

Chapter 8 – Uncommon coldness.

"_Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. The sitter is merely the accident, the occasion. It is not he who is revealed by the painter; it is rather the painter who, on the coloured canvas, reveals himself."_

_Oscar Wilde, The Picture of Dorian Gray_

Magnus sipped carefully at the hot, caffeinated liquid and felt the delightful warmth spreading through his body. He had always been cold. He remembered that as a kid he sat in his room, tucked in several blankets, trying to preserve his body heat.

The bizarre thing was that this constant warmth-deprivation began about half a year after his mother's death. He suspected that it had something to do with his near malnutrition. As a seven-year-old he had to teach himself how to cook. Yes, his father did provide groceries. The food had always been in the kitchen, but he didn't remember his father preparing him a meal, not once. So until he learned how to prepare some food, his eating schedule wasn't very healthy or nutritional. He survived on cereal and sometimes fruits; sweets were not allowed. Even now in his hoodie, inside Alec's heated apartment, he felt shivers trailing down his back. The artist must have noticed it, because he looked at him questioningly, his forehead wrinkled.

"Are you cold? Do you want a sweater or warmer hoodie?" The blue-eyed boy asked, smiling encouragingly, his slender fingers playing with the slightly raised designs on his mug.

"I'm fine, you really don't have to," Magnus replied, even though he could really use some additional layers of clothes. His thoughts wandered directly to the body heat that Alec could share with him. It would be bliss to snuggle into that broad, slightly muscled chest, and then… _"Whoa, hold your horses Bane. You were supposed to keep away from the cutie, remember?"_

"Maybe I really, really do," the artist grinned at the model and went to get the man something additional to wear.

Alec was worried. Magnus was nearly shaking, even though it was really warm in the room. He wondered absently if it was because the model was so slim. He came back with an old, stretched black hoodie. It was his comfort-wear. Whenever he was feeling upset or lonely, he would tuck himself into the much-too-big cloth, encompassing himself in warmth and safety. Magnus did just that. He pulled the material over his clothes and snuggled into the black fabric, his hands around the mug.

Magnus discreetly nuzzled into the hoodie. He could smell Alec's scent on it; a hint of sandalwood, cigarettes and paint. He smiled at the flavour of the artist's tools. Alec must have been working in the hoodie before. He took a gulp of sweet coffee and asked:

"So how is the drawing? Have you finished it?" Alec fidgeted, his fingers playing with a silver lighter.

"It's actually finished, but…"

"But?" The model probed, now curious about the artist's nervousness.

"It doesn't feel right?"

"Oh?" Magnus tensed. Maybe Alexander decided that he didn't want to work with him anymore. That _he_ – Magnus – doesn't feel right and he was too polite to say it outright. Magnus wouldn't be surprised if Alec wanted to end their co-operation. He was worthless. Why would such a beautiful creature as Alec spend time with him? Why would he put such a hideous being into his precious art? Maybe that was why he was so stressed right now. He didn't want to hurt Magnus' feelings. The boy was that kind of a person. His panicked train of thoughts was interrupted by Alec's conflicted voice.

"It's not you." The artist must have sensed Magnus' internal musings and assured him gingerly ."The outline is perfect, your pose too. I love how it came out, but it lacks something... It lingers at the back of my mind, but I can't find it. Maybe after a good night of sleep, it will come around," he smiled brightly, and Magnus exhaled with relief. It wasn't him that was a problem after all.

"I'm sure it will pass, or you will wake up tomorrow and you will know exactly what is missing," he smiled crookedly and Alec felt his heart skip a little.

Even without make-up and with the dark bruises marring his face, Magnus was gorgeous. Alec's orbs traced his angular features and slightly curved eyes that gave away his Asian heritage. He was cut short on his shameless ogling however when the model raised an eye-brow questioningly at him . He smiled sheepishly and asked when they could schedule the next session.

"How about tomorrow?" The model suggested, grinning gently and playing with the sleeve of Alec's hoodie.

"Sounds good to me, in the evening? I don't have to work tomorrow."

"Seven o'clock?"

"Works for me," Alec beamed at him, adorable dimples appearing on his flushed cheeks, making the model swoon. "By the way, I was meaning to ask, where do you come from?"

"How do you know I'm not from Brooklyn?" Magnus teased, smiling playfully. Alec looked at him pointedly.

"You don't have a Brooklyn accent, it's kind of British too, but not exactly."

"Well, it can be slightly British, I lived in London when I was a little kid. Then me and my father moved to Miami, and when I grew up, I fled to the confines of the supposedly friendly and wonderful Big Apple," he answered lightly, smirk masking his hurt. Alec's innocent question made all of his horrible memories flare to life vividly. Again. He gulped, trying to calm himself, not to show Alec his emotional baggage.

Alec glanced at Magnus, concerned, chewing his lower lip thoughtfully. The model replied playfully, but he saw for a split second that his face changed from happiness, to melancholy. He must have struck a nerve.

"Well, that is quite a mix," he chuckled, trying to disperse the tension. Magnus' gaze locked onto his azure orbs, his eyes clouded, conveying sadness. Alec wanted to reach out and hug the gorgeous man.

The moment was interrupted by the loud obnoxious doorbell, pressed way too many times. Alec sighed and got up from the armchair to get the door. When he opened it, a tall, blond seventeen-year-old stood in front of him. His golden, curly locks were mussed and a crooked, smartass smirk present on his face.

"Hi Jace," the artist said, irritated. He knew he would come to grill him for answers, stubborn brat.

"Hello Alec," the younger boy grinned at his friend's frown. He pushed his way inside the flat and said in a singsong voice: "Now we are gonna have a nice, little talk like the two nice bros we are."

He suddenly stopped, astonished when he spotted Magnus, who was seated comfortably on the leather couch. He turned to his friend and raised an eyebrow, smirking again.

"Oh well… Magnus this is Jace, my friend, Jace this is Magnus, my new model," Alec said awkwardly, rubbing back of his neck, his cheeks crimson red.

"Hi."

"Hello," Magnus waved at Jace and stood up. "Alexander, I will be going. I'll see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Sure," Alec replied quietly. Damn Jace, now Magnus felt forced to leave. He didn't want him to go. As the door banged closed behind Magnus, the blond turned his golden, scrutinizing gaze at the artist.

"Alec, you dog! You didn't tell me you had a male model! Now spill, my dear cousin, why exactly was he wearing your hoodie?"

Jace seated himself comfortably on the coach, earlier occupied by Magnus, and folded his hands together on his lap. Alec groaned internally at his friend's inquiring face. He fell in a trap, and there was no way out.

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><p><strong>Yes, it's kinda filler chapter. Sorry about that. Good stuff comes in the next one though.<strong>

**Please review, your reviews make me smile, and I won't smile a lot in this school-year, so.. yeah.**


	9. The luscious taste of tequilla Part 1

**A/N: I do not own TMI.**

**I'm so sorry guys! This should have been up so long ago, but I have been really busy with school! I am not lazy, I just didn't have time. This is part 1 of the ninth chapter, because I wanted to get it up as soon as I could for you.**

**Beta: KittyBane, thank you hon!**

**This chapter is dedicated to my lovely, fangirl-twin Kiyori-chan, because of the second part of this chapter.**

Chapter 9 – The luscious taste of tequila Part 1

_At the first kiss I felt  
>Something melt inside me<br>That hurt in an exquisite way  
>All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish,<br>All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake,  
>Everything was transformed and enchanted<br>And made sense.  
>~Hermann Hesse<em>

Alec felt trapped under the scrutinizing golden gaze. He gulped, and nervously played with his black prism pencil, his nails biting into the tool. He very well knew that Jace was not letting go. He had always hated sharing emotional things. He did not care for money or goods, but he despised when someone –_ anyone_ – butted into his problems. He was a quiet person, but not because he was not smart or did not have much to tell. He just did not like to stand out. He liked keeping his thoughts or dilemmas to himself, because when he spilled, he felt as if he was weighting the other person down.

Dark blue collided with gold, and his cousin arched his eyebrow, smirking playfully. Stupid brat knew that he was being a pain in the ass. Alec exhaled heavily, and reached for the pack of cigarettes.

"So… What would you like to know about him?" He asked puffing out the smoke between his incisor teeth, and enjoying the slightly bitter taste of tobacco. Jace entwined his fingers and rested his chin on them, laughing with delight.

"Everything, man! When Izzy told me that you found a model for your new assignment, I was sure that you would have here some female beauty," the blond boy answered, his long, bright lashes casting shadows on his cheeks. His angelic face showed pure curiosity. Alec wondered why he had been so afraid to come out to Jace. Deep down he had been sure that his best friend would accept him, but the fear was still there. As it had turned out, the blond was fully supportive – except for some teasing, but the artist knew that it was his way of showing that he cared.

"Err… Like I said his name is Magnus, and he is nineteen. He is my new model. That is it, Jace. Really."

"Why was he wearing your favourite hoodie?" The blonde inquired. Damn, Alec knew, he would not let _that fact_ go.

"He was cold," Alex stated, his tone stern.

"Seriously, man? Cold? That is the lamest lie ever! He could have just walked out of your bed, huh?" Jace exclaimed, his face incredulous. He was so not buying that.

"Hey! I am telling the truth! He was shivering, and…"

"Dude, it is like 30 degrees in here," his cousin interjected.

"I know…" Alec wrinkled his forehead, and pursed his lips. "But he was literally trembling. Come on, I couldn't not give him something!"

"You are so gonna hit that, won't you?"

"Jace!" Alexander cried out, outraged.

"What? I am just… predicting things, and helping you out of your deep, deep denial," Jace smirked. He thought that Alec should finally find someone for himself. He deserved a boy who would support him, love him. The blonde wanted happiness for his friend, and if that beaten up guy would ensure that, then he was all for it.

"I don't even know if he is gay or interested…"

"Oh c'mon, man. I saw how he was staring at you, and I will tell you one thing: it was not platonic gaze. It was definitely I-want-to-fuck-you-now look."

"If you say so…"

Alec gazed down at his hands, his thick, curved lashes obscuring his azure orbs, and smiled shyly at Jace's remark.

* * *

><p><em>Magnus laid down on the satin-covered bed, and thought of Alec's blues, as the client towered over him.<em>

* * *

><p>A babble of idle chat resounded in the classroom, but Alec's intense gaze was focused on the work lying in front of him. He followed the outline of Magnus' features with his orbs, and bit his lower lip, thinking hard. He still did not know what was wrong with the drawing. The idea was at the back of his mind, but he could not grasp it.<p>

The image of the model's appearance swam in front of his eyes - his angularly shaped face, red, full lips, and heated, greenish orbs; slim, cat-like body covered by the bright, fashionable clothes… Wait, wait. Suddenly he remembered Magnus' colour-lacking ensemble from the day before, and how wrong it looked and he got it.

Magnus Bane's picture could not have been kept in grays, the man needed a range of vibrant tinges. He grasped his pencils, and started colouring. He began with Magnus' extraordinary eyes, the ones that he had dreamed about last night.

* * *

><p>Alec grinned as he looked at the now-finished work. It looked perfect in his opinion, he giggled giddily, earning himself a bewildered gaze from the classmate on the right. He grasped his cell-phone and texted his model.<p>

_"I finally got what was wrong! It's finished."_

He signed the work at the bottom of the page, and felt vibrations of his cell, indicating that Magnus replied. His heart swelled at the thought that his model was so quick about it.

_"Told ya! Will get something to celebrate it with!"_

Alec's eyebrows crinkled together in confusion. What did Magnus mean by something to celebrate it with? Suddenly he felt very stupid and self-conscious. Maybe Jace was not right, and Magnus was just so friendly for everyone. And Alec was just being naive by getting his hopes up. He shook his head, worrying his lower lip, and typed an answer.

_"Okay? See you at seven!"_

_"Can't wait, blue eyes :)"_

The nickname made him blush a little. He had no idea why the model insisted on calling him these weird names. Why didn't he just stick to "Alec" like he told him to? On the other hand, he kind of liked how the green-eyed boy was defiant, and called him differently than the rest of the people. It made him feel special.

Alec looked up at Hodge, who was criticizing other students' works, and his gaze crossed paths with the curious brown eyes of the guy on the right again. He flushed even worse, and focused on the lecture, pointedly not looking into the what-was-his-name nerd's direction

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><p><strong>Please, review, even though it probably sucks.<strong>

**Also, if you want to know what is up with me follow me on twitter DisturbingEmily.**

**I am not promising that next part of the chapter will be up soon, because I have no idea when it will be. It depends on school.**


	10. The luscious taste of tequila Part 2

**A/N: **

**Beta: my lovely Ky 3**

**Also, you should check out valiantmongoose's story: The heart of Light. I've been pre-reading for her, and it's amazing.**

The luscious taste of tequila – Part 2

_At the first kiss I felt  
>Something melt inside me<br>That hurt in an exquisite way  
>All my longings, all my dreams and sweet anguish,<br>All the secrets that slept deep within me came awake,  
>Everything was transformed and enchanted<br>And made sense.  
>~Hermann Hesse<em>

The sun was gently seeping through the bluish curtains in Alec's bedroom. A calm, rhythmic song of Poets of the Fall was softly playing in the background. Alec stretched on his bed, popping his back with contentment and nuzzled into the indigo pillow. He had no idea when he fell asleep, but it served him good. He was much more alert now, his over-worked brain must have recharged during the short nap. He blissfully shut his eyes again.

The smile that appeared on his face turned into a frown though, when he remembered the previous evening's visit that he paid to his parents. It was actually Jace's idea to go there and honestly he should have known better – the blond boy was infamous for his not too bright plans. He had been complaining to his cousin for some time that he left his spare supplies at his parents' house, and as most of his paint bottles were nearly finished, he was trying to gain the courage to go get them. The golden-eyed brat prodded him incessantly about that, and he finally let go.

_Alec pulled off in front of the huge house, or rather mansion as Jace jokingly called it. He turned off the engine of his black Toyota and sighed as he gazed at the white columns standing proudly near the front door. All he felt was anxiety. _

_For a few months he hadn't been home - scratch that, home is where your heart is. It is the place that fills you with a sense of importance, rightness. When you are at home, you feel like you belong. No, the house he grew up at was just that – a simple building; a set of walls containing the best quality bricks, polished floors and extravagant, posh – in Alec's opinion – furniture. It didn't matter that it was the exact place where he took his first steps, painted his first painting or read his first book, because he had never felt accepted in there. This was the house where everything and everyone had to be perfect, in line, controlled. And he struggled – for years – to be given a praise, to get even an ounce of acceptance. He was a straight A's student, he joined the football team even though he hated it. He never partied and he was polite to everyone his whole life. Just to please his parents. "But that wasn't enough, was it?" he couldn't help, but muse bitterly. All his work had gone to hell when he came to the realization that he was gay - therefore not perfect. It didn't matter that he cried himself to sleep practically every night, and didn't want to be that way. It was who he was, and he wasn't a perfect Lightwood first-born anymore – he was a disgrace._

"_Alec?" Jace asked quietly, breaking him off his thoughts. "If you don't want to go inthere, it's okay."_

"_No, it is not a problem," Alec smiled at his cousin, even though he suspected that the blonde knew that it was forced._

"_You sure?"_

"_Yeah…" he replied as he got out of his beloved car. He gently closed the door, but winced when Jace smashed the passenger's one a second later. He sent him a patented Lightwood death-glare._

"_Sorry,"Jace smiled sheepishly._

"_I told you so many times… It is not a fucking truck, you don't have to smash the door in," the artist hissed._

"_Okay, okay. Don't get your panties in a twist! Geez, what a drama queen," the blond muttered._

_Alec gaped at him as he strode towards the front door. A boy who threw a tantrum and didn't speak to him for a week, when he accidentally spilled a little bit of vanilla, soy milk on the carpet, was calling him a drama queen. He snorted at the ridiculousness of the situation and followed._

_When his mother opened the door, he heard her breath hitch as she focused her icy-blue orbs on him. Isabelle always wondered how it was possible that they had the same exact colour, but his were warm, while their mom's were always cold, and calculating. _

"_Hello, Jace! You look so handsome, I haven't seen you in a while," she smiled warmly at the seventeen-year-old and embraced him. "How is your grandma?"_

_Alec downcast his eyes and felt a pang in his chest as she completely ignored his presence, and still hugging Jace to her, she led the blonde inside. He followed them quietly into the foyer. As he slipped away to his room, he heard his mother inquiring about Jace's grades and girlfriend. _

_In order to get to his old bedroom he had to go through the whole house. It was a remote corner of the building – the furthest away from his parents' room as it could. As a kid he subconsciously chose the isolated place, where no one would judge him or observe. There he could do whatever he wanted as no one would stumble that far away from the kitchen or the living room. After years he understood why he picked that place; he didn't want his parents' to figure out that he was not that perfect after all. It really was quite sickening that even as four or five-year-old he felt like that._

_As he stepped inside the bland room, a cloud of dust attacked his lungs viciously making him cough. He yanked a window open, and breathed the clear air in with delight. It was clear that no one had been there since he left. Obviously, his mother wanted to act as if he really was nonexistent. It hurt, and he wanted to get out of the house as soon as he could._

* * *

><p>A door-bell rang through the soft music, and Alec languidly got up. He ran a hand through his thick, black hair in order to get it out of his face and opened the front door.<p>

When the door revealed Alec, Magnus' breath hitched. The boy must have been sleeping. The mane of his thick, slightly curling hair was deliciously mused. His stance was relaxed and he was definitely rested. Magnus grinned at the lines from the pillow imprinted on the artist's right cheek. The boy was so adorable that the model wanted to swoon._ "You can look, Bane, but don't you dare touch him,"_ he reminded himself.

"Hello, Blue Eyes."

"Hi, Magnus," the artist replied and grinned, the cute dimples making an appearance again. "What is this?" he asked, gesturing to the bottle Magnus was holding, as he let the model in.

"That, darling, is the treat I promised you," he answered and ripped the cover away.

"Tequila?" Alec brows rode up, and he bit his lip, playing nervously with the edge of his gray t-shirt.

"Yes, tequila. Have you never drank it?" Magnus inquired, seeing the artist's uncertainty.

"I… I don't really drink," Alec stuttered, the crimson blush suddenly covering his pale face. Magnus palm twitched, itching to caress the rosy cheek. " To be honest, I have never drank alcohol before."

"Oh… Do you want to try? I promise I won't let you get wasted and vomit all over the place," he assured, smiling gently. Suddenly he felt guilty, as if he was tainting Alec's innocence.

"Well… I can try," the artist smiled playfully, still a little unsure.

"That's the spirit! We need to celebrate after all!" Magnus laughed gleefully as his gaze focused on the blue orbs.

"Do you want to see the drawing first?" Alec asked shyly, biting his lips again. The model suddenly wanted to replace Alexander's teeth with his own, slowly tugging, gently nibbling.

"Of course I want to."

He carefully took a sheet of paper, and his eyes widened. The drawing was beautiful. Somehow Alec made_ him_ beautiful. He followed the meticulously drawn lines with his greenish orbs, and admired the artist's skills. He grinned as he noticed that the only coloured parts on the sheet were his eyes and clothes. It was all lazy and very natural and…to be honest perfect.

"Do… do you like it?" he gazed up at Alec, and realized that the artist must have taken his silence as disapproval, not amazement. He was fumbling with the edge of his t-shirt again. Magnus shook his head at the boy's cluelessness. He reached out and squeezed Alexander's hand, making the blue-eyed beauty blush again. He smiled softly at him.

"I love it. It's perfect. I had no idea you were that talented."

"I am not. You are a good subject…" Alec's porcelain face flushed even more, and he smiled sheepishly. He had no idea how much he teased Magnus when he was doing that.

"Bullshit," he interjected. He would not hear the boy talking down his talents. "Now, show me the kitchen. We need some glasses, salt, and I need to cut the lemons for the tequila."

"What? What for?" the boy asked confused, his brows scrunching.

"You shall see." Magnus winked and strutted to the kitchen. Alec sighed heavily and followed.

* * *

><p>Alec gazed at the model as he was going through his DVD collection. He observed the gentle curve of his neck and graceful swift of his slender hands. He wanted to draw him again, but he told himself that he would relax tonight, and he fully intended to do that.<p>

"Someone has got a little crush on Jared Leto," Magnus snickered, and winked at him. "Can we watch "Alexander", Alexander?"

"You think you are so funny, don't you?" Alec stuck out his tongue at Magnus, and the model laughed at the childish act.

"Of course I am," he bent to put the disc into the player, and the blue-eyed artist couldn't help but admire his ass. He blushed as Magnus turned around and quirked an eyebrow at him. "And now we drink," the model plopped on the couch beside the boy, and poured a little bit of the booze into the glasses. "Firstly, you sprinkle a little bit of salt on your hand or wrist or wherever you want, then you lick it off, drink tequila and at the end you bite into the lemon to get the juice, clear?"

"Yeah, I think so," the boy answered and grasped the glass, looking at it as if it was some torture device. He had a feeling it would not taste sweet.

He observed as Magnus' tongue slipped out, collecting the salt. He admired as the model threw his head back, his Adam's apple bobbing as he downed the shot. He couldn't help but stare when the man bit into the lemon, a little bit of juice slipping down his chin. His face definitely felt hot.

He stared at his drink with resolution. Finally, he licked the salt off, and tipped the glass. As the bitterish liquid slid down his throat, he felt Magnus thrusting a lemon in his palm. As he swallowed, he couldn't help but grimace, evoking the model's hearty laugh.

"I reckon you didn't like the taste after all?" the man snickered, and Alec smiled back shyly.

"It wasn't that bad, I just wasn't prepared for the bitterness," he answered while watching as Magnus curled comfortably on the side of the couch, and trained his gaze on the TV.

* * *

><p>Magnus felt a bit tipsy. He couldn't help but smile at the adorable sight that Alec presented. He was lying with his head in his lap, his eyes dropping a little. As the time progressed he was getting more and more gloomy. It worried him, Alec should have relaxed and let his problems go, but obviously he had something on his mind. He watched as the boy gnawed on his lip, his orbs focused on the movie.<p>

"Magnus?" the blue-eyed artist asked suddenly, his words a little slurred, turning his head to look up at the model.

"Yeah, Blue Eyes?"

"Do you think it's possible to be accepted for who you are, not trying and all?"

"What do you mean?" His brows crinkled in confusion, as he stared at the boy's blank face.

"I… Never mind, it's nothing," he turned his head away again, shutting down.

"No, it isn't. Tell me," Magnus grasped his chin, making him look up again. Alec gazed thoughtfully at the man, as if collecting his scattered memories.

"It's just that I always tried to please my parents, and even though I was always trying to be perfect… Well, when they found out I was gay, they rejected me. I have always wondered ... Maybe I should have tried more?" Magnus felt outraged. How could Alec's parents not see how utterly perfect their son was? He was everything Magnus was not – beautiful, talented, sweet. The boy shouldn't feel that way, and for now it was his task to put a stop to such detrimental way of thinking. He tried to push back his own painful memories of childhood, and his father's disappointed face. He after all deserved that, while Alec did not.

"No, you shouldn't. They are your parents; they should accept you no matter what. And you don't have to try to be perfect. You already are."

Suddenly he found himself with Alec on his laps, and his mind went blank. All he could focus on were the soft lips pressing against his. He gasped as the boy's tongue shyly came out and caressed along the brim of his mouth. He felt Alec sighs oftly, tentative fingers gently slip into his hair and slightly tug. He nibbled on Alec's lips, pulling in response. His hands wandered to the artist's hips and he thumbed the skin there. Their tongues finally entwined, fighting for dominance, a shiver traveled down his back and Magnus couldn't help but think that even though he had kissed so many people in his life, this was something special. Alec tasted like tequila, but underneath the bitter taste the sweetness lingered, threatening to overwhelm him. He already felt addicted.

He gently broke off the kiss, and his lips traveled along the artist's defined jaw line, Alec's fingers tightening in his hair ever so slightly. The model nuzzled the blue-eyed boy's neck, his mouth quickly locating the pulse point, the teeth gently closing around it, and sucking. A moan of his name suddenly broke the spell, and his eyes shot open. He gazed into clouded, drunken blue orbs, and he swallowed heavily.

"I have to go, Alec, " he suddenly stood, dumping the boy on the coach. He grasped his bag, and made his way to the door.

"Magnus! Wait!" Alec called after the model, but the only response was the sound of the closing door. "I'm sorry…" he whispered to the empty room, a lone tear slipping down his cheek.

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><p><strong>Review please. <strong>

**and cosidering that I have got tones of alerts/favs, I'm not updating until there is at least 20 reviews. Yes, I'm pissed off. **


	11. The bitter aftertaste

**A/N: Guys, I'm so sorry for the long wait. I've had a massive writer's block, and I've been not feeling well lately. Will you forgive me? And thank you for all the reviews, I mean I know I asked for them, but you should know that I'm always grateful for them, because I want to know your opinions, alright? Even if they are not positive.**

**This is dedicated to my dear beta Ky again and to valiantmongoose, because they have been motivating me (and they put up with my drunken ass last weekend)**

**I don't own anything.**

**Warnings: Language**

_I burn to make you understand  
>One wrong word and it all may come crashing down<br>For the fates are devious by heart  
>They envy you your dreams, so they'll let you drown<em>

_And there is no why, there is no how, it's like the sky, just one free flow_  
><em>But you're here right now, and this is your show, so take a bow, cos the show is on right...<em>

_Here and now with all dreams realized_  
><em>Would you choose still more time to do<em>  
><em>Don't fall down when it's time to arise<em>  
><em>No-one else can heal your wounds<em>

_Once again taboo becomes your law_  
><em>What you want seems taken by another tide turning<em>  
><em>Away from our flower field where we used to lay beneath the sky,<em>  
><em>riding dreams to some other side<em>

_Do they burn, the wishes whispered, like secrets, they yearn, just to be heard_  
><em>I'm done with questions, I have no answers, the choice is yours, cos the show is on right...<em>

_Here and now..._

_The bigger the lies_  
><em>The more they want to believe them<em>  
><em>And like a vice<em>  
><em>Hold on to what they believe in<em>

_Here and now with all dreams realized_  
><em>Would you choose still more time to do<em>  
><em>Don't fall down when it's time to arise<em>  
><em>No-one else can heal your wounds<em>

_Here and now with all dreams realized_  
><em>Would you choose still more time to do<em>  
><em>Don't fall down cos I need you to rise<em>  
><em>No-one else can heal my wounds<em>

_~Poets of the Fall, Heal my wounds_

Magnus ran. He ran as if he was being chased by a pack of furious werewolves. However, it was not the first time that he escaped from his problems in such fashion.

_It was a cold December night, the end of the Christmas Day to be exact. It was snowing __peacefully,__ white flakes created a fairy-tale-like view. One could admire a slightly disfigured, but still beautiful snowmen made by hordes of cheerful children from the __neighbourhood__. 11-years-old Magnus Bane gazed at the perfect Christmas sight with his clouded, dulled eyes. A sad smile tugged athis lips when he saw a family diner in a house opposite his. He observed as the parents and their babies laughed, immersing themselves in the Christmas spirit. He wished he had such a holiday. He longed for the warmth of hug or praise. He longed for everything that kids his age took for granted. Suddenly his bedroom door smashed open, revealing huge, towering body of his father._

"_You ungrateful freak! You'll explain to me right now why you have such low grades!" he threw Magnus' tests' sheets into the wide-eyed child's face. The boy whimpered, curling into himself. That seemed to enrage the green-eyed man even more. "Don't you dare cry now! You brought it on yourself, you worthless piece off shit. I don't even know why I bother with you. You are nothing but a disgrace!"_

_Magnus pushed past his dad and ran down the stairs and into the cold December night. He really didn't want to be a disgrace. As he curled up in the park, trying to retain the warmth inside his tiny body, he promised himself that next time he would do better than a B._

The model could feel hot tears streaming down his cheeks. He couldn't forget the hurt in Alec's piercing, blue eyes as he pushed him away, or the blissful sensation of the artist's mouth on his own. He slowed down, and touched his lips absentmindedly. He felt so torn.

On one hand he wanted Alexander. He wanted to see his little, shy smiles, to observe the way he painted or drew. He longed for his kisses and even something more. For the first time since he became an Escort he desired somebody with every last fiber of his body. On the other hand he didn't want to hurt the boy. And if Alec knew what he did for living, how he allowed the other men to ravage his body… That would rip thorough all of the protective layers the artist possessed. And Magnus didn't want that. All he wanted for the perfect, blue-eyed boy was to be happy.

He staggered a little as he turned the key in his front door, and ignored the incessant ringing of his phone. He quickly stripped, leaving only hisboxers on, and laid on the bed. He nuzzled into the crimson covers and let the tears run again. He had no idea what he would do.

* * *

><p>The door closed with a sound of finality. Alec stared at the empty space right in front of him, he couldn't comprehend what had just happened. He felt dazed, and his head was spinning a little. He knew that he shouldn't have kissed Magnus, it was too soon. But the booze stripped him of any self-control, and he couldn't help but listen to his urges and emotions.<p>

For a second, he thought that his feelings were reciprocated and he even thought that the gorgeous model seemed to enjoy his clumsy kissing. But then Magnus threw him off and ran away. He could feel his lip slightly trembling, he hated the taste of rejection.

_A seventeen-years-old Alec brought the covers to his chin, blushing slightly. It was a stupid thing to do considering he had just lost his virginity to the very boy he was being stared at. The cold, black orbs were trained on him accusingly, the sneer present on Sebastian's face. His boyfriend's platinum blond hair was wet from the shower he had just taken. _

"_Why are you not dressed?" he hissed, frowning. He narrowed his soulless eyes, his lips curling with distaste. _

"_I…I t-thought…"Alec stuttered, his azure eyes downcast. All of his happiness suddenly escaped at the speed of light. Even though the whole process hurt so much, he was delighted, because his beloved boyfriend seemed to enjoy it so much. And he wanted Sebastian to be happy, that was the most important thing. Maybe next time it won't hurt so much?_

"_Oh, this is rich. You're the type who wants to cuddle, aren't you? Do I look like a girl, Lightwood?" the blond laughed mercilessly. Alec shook his head, biting his lower lip, and trying to chase away the sudden urge to cry. "Exactly. I am a real man. And real men do not do that, capisce? Get dressed, my parents will be home soon, and you don't want to get out of closet now, do you?"_

Alexander shut his eyes tightly, and willed his bitter memories away. It was not like that. He got involved with Sebastian emotionally, and the heartless bastard abused that. Magnus was not like that. He clearly didn't like him, and he was responsible enough to let him know that. He might have been more gentle with it, but Alec was not blaming him. He practically assaulted him. The model had every right to behave that would call the gorgeous man, and apologize. Hopefully, he would talk to him and let him explain.

He clicked on Magnus' name on his cell's screen, and waited patiently, but frowned when the call went to the voice mail. He repeated the act several times with no results. He cursed, and bit his lip forcefully, leaving a little dip.

"_Alec, are you okay?" Isabelle asked. Even as a fifteen-year-old she was gorgeous. Her dark, long hair cascaded down her back, the beauty of her huge, almond-shaped eyes was enhanced by subtle make-up and Alec couldn't help but think that as her older brother he would have a lot of work with protecting her. He knew that Izzy was tough and independent, but he couldn't get rid of his brotherly instincts. For him she would always be his little sister. And that meant scaring off every guy that wanted to take advantage of her._

"_Yeah, I'm fine, why do you ask?" He inquired, playing with his cell-phone absently. He was anxious; he hadn't heard from Sebastian since yesterday, since his boyfriend practically shoved him out of his door. He knew that he had an important reason to do that – after all his parents didn't know about them, and they wanted to keep it that way – but it still hurt. And now he wasn't calling him back, even though Alec had been trying to contact the blond incessantly since the morning. Alec gnawed at his lip, and looked at the empty screen of his mobile. He wondered whether Sebastian was mad at him. He seemed really irritated last night. Or maybe he was not annoyed, merely disappointed, Alec thought with panic. What if he was so bad in bed, that his boyfriend was now avoiding him?_

"_You've been on edge all day long, and you're wearing a scarf. Do you feel well? Did you catch a cold?" She scrunched her forehead, and gazed at him searchingly. Alec could feel a blush slowly rising on his cheeks. _**_If only she knew the reason for the scarf._**

"_I'm fine Izzy, I'm just waiting for an important call. Don't worry about it," he brushed her off and reached for the book lying next to him. Reading had always calmed him down._

His gaze landed on the unfinished bottle of tequila. He reached for it, swung it back, and swallowed the booze with huge gulps. He very well knew that he would regret it later, but for now he wanted something to stop his mind from thinking._Anything _would do.

* * *

><p><em>"She eyes me like a Pisces when I am weak<br>I've been locked inside your heart-shaped box for weeks  
>I was drawn into your magnet tar pit trap"<em>

He really wished that that infuriatingly loud melody would stop playing. A surge of piercing pain shot through his pounding head and he groaned. He slowly opened his eyes, and instantly regretted it - the room swam in front of his blue orbs, making him nauseous. With a quiet moan he curled up on his side, burring his face in the pillow, praying for his headache to lessen soon.

Last night suddenly came back to him in full force, and all he wanted to do was to hide from Magnus. He suppressed the stinging, angry tears, because he knew that it would make his head hurt even more – even though he couldn't comprehend how the pain could even get worse. He had been so dumb last night. Not only had he gotten so pathetically vulnerable and talked to Magnus about his parents, but then he "attacked" him and made him leave. The model would probably never speak to him again, and he wouldn't really blame him. What the hell had he been thinking?

After a moment he realized that his phone was ringing. _Of course, you idiot, it was your ring-tone that woke you up. Really bright this fine morning, Lightwood, aren't you?_ He slowly reached for the hellish device, and hit the button to answer.

"Yeah?" he croaked, and winced at his scratchy voice

"Alec? Where the hell are you? You were supposed to meet me at the park twenty minutes ago, what is going on?" The artist cringed at his sister's loud, shrill voice. Christ, why did she have to scream like a banshee? As far as he was concerned he was never drinking alcohol again. He didn't get it why people did it if the aftertaste felt like that. Even the thought of booze made his stomach rumble and he barely held his nausea back. Normally, the first thing that he would do in the morning would be to get a cigarette, but right now even that seemed revolting to him.

"Jesus… Please don't shout. What time is it?"

"It's ten o'clock. Are you alright?" He heard a concerned voice, and couldn't help but smile at his sister's protectiveness; even though he was the older one. And why the hell did he oversleep so much? He usually got up at six or seven and went for a run. He loved the morning jogging – it woke him up and let him gather the strength for a day – but right now all he wanted to do was to curl up and sleep. Preferably for a day or two.

"I know this will sound insane, Izzy, but do you know any hangover-cures?" he managed to get out and heard his sister's gasp of surprise. It really was quite pathetic that he was asking that of his little sister, but he picked her up from too many parties not to realize that she very well knew all the remedies.

"What? Hangover? You?" She sounded not only astonished, but also worried. "Just stay in bed, I'm on my way, okay?"

"Okay, just let yourself in," he croaked up, and his head hit the pillow again. He closed his eyes with relief and waited for Izzy to fix him up – for now he pushed Magnus out of his mind. He felt shitty enough.

* * *

><p>As Isabelle stepped into his brother's bedroom, she couldn't help but wince. His clothes were scattered around, and he was curled up in his bed in a fetal position. She sat at the edge of the huge mattress and gently caressed Alec's cheek. His azure eyes popped open, and she smiled at him.<p>

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked with concern. Looking at how pale her brother was, it was not good. She wondered how much he must have drank to have such a painful hangover.

"Awful… Can you do something about that?" He croaked out, his voice quiet and scratchy. He gazed up at her and tried to smile. "Sorry I stood you up."

"Just sit, I will bring you some pills and make you a strong coffee."

When she came back from the kitchen with Tylenol and steaming mug of black coffee, she heard a noise of retching from the bathroom. She sighed, placed the supplies on the table next to Alec's enormous bed, and went in to help her brother out. She gathered Alex' unruly hair that had been falling into his face, and gently rubbed his back, trying to soothe him. When he stopped for a second, she could feel him shaking slightly, and she was sympathetic, she really was, but she also needed to get out of him why exactly he was so hung-over . When asked, he simply answered that Magnus brought the booze, and then something happened and he left. After that Alec apparently fell into the bottle.

She couldn't help but be pissed off. So far she was really glad that her brother had found the model, because he was genuinely happy, but now something had happened. And even though Alec wouldn't tell her what "that something" was, she knew that it was most definitely bad. She could feel how tense and sad her gentle, blue-eyed brother was. Andwhoever was the reason for that, would pay. The door-bell rang, and she sighed as she went to see who it was.

The door revealed a tall, slender boy, probably her brother's age. His clothes were fashionable and she couldn't help but admire the indigo blue vest and gray, glitter shirt he was wearing. Even though she admired his tasteful wardrobe secretly, she narrowed her eyes – he was the reason that her brother was puking his guts out right now.

"Hello, you must be Magnus. Nice to get to know the man that brings booze, lets people get wasted and then fucking leaves them alone. Come in, come in. You need to wait a little bit though, Alec is too busy vomiting the very booze you brought."

She couldn't help but smirk at his gaping face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:Let me know, that you are still reading?**

**Please review**


	12. Please, read

Hi guys.

I have got bad news. Symphony of Broken Dreams will go on hiatus. I don't know for how long – I think for about a month/ month and a half. I realized that twitter, ffn and tumblr are weighting me down, and I really need to focus on my school. It's my final year, and I need to focus, and I can't while being so much engaged in the fandom. I also have some problems with health. And I need to work on that as well. So I'm pulling off for a little while, to completely focus on my studies . I would really like to write for you, because I love writing, and I assure you that this story will be continued. I even have a sequel planned out.

I'm really sorry, and I will update as soon as I can. I love all of you, I hope you understand?

Emily


	13. Dawning

**I do not own TMI and I'm still non-native English speaker.**

**Guys, I'm so sorry for this long, long hiatus. I thought I would be able to find time to write sooner, but my health was really shitty and school was really hard – I spent time pulling all-nighters all the time. What a fun that is. Also, I was really astonished by your response, thank you all for the get better wishes and understanding. Your kind words made me smile, you are precious. Anyway, I'm really sorry, and I promise regular updates from now on. So here is the next chapter.**

**Beated by Ky of course. :)**

* * *

><p><em>Fare thee well, little broken heart<br>Downcast eyes, lifetime loneliness_

_Whatever walks in my heart will walk alone_

_Constant longing for the perfect soul_  
><em>Unwashed scenery forever gone<em>

_No love left in me_  
><em>No eyes to see the heaven beside me<em>  
><em>My time is yet to come<em>  
><em>So I'll be forever Tours<em>

_~Forever Yours, Nightwish_

Magnus looked around the flat. Nothing really changed since last night, the DVDs, they had been watching, were still scattered on the carpet. The glasses were still present and half-full on the small table beside the coach. His eyes widened when he saw that the bottle of tequila, they had been drinking, was empty. He was sure that they had left at least one-fourth. Suddenly everything clicked in his mind; Alec got wasted after he left. That meant he must have been really upset. Magnus cursed himself, he knew he should not have left him alone, but he was too much of a coward. He always preferred to run than fight; thus his decision about saying goodbye to Alec. He was too dangerous for the boy. It was clear that Alexander had feelings for him, feelings that the boy couldn't control while being tipsy. And it was his – Magnus' – responsibility to put an end to this friendship, crush or whatever it was. He had to face it, he was a whore . He could not be Alec's boyfriend, no matter how much he wanted it. He took a fortifying breath, and cut off Isabelle's ranting about stupid, glittery models.

"Where is Alexander?"

Isabelle looked at him as if he was mad, and she started spluttering: "You are asking me where Alec is? You are just fucking obnoxious, if you didn't leave him here on his own…"

It really was quite adorable how she was so protective of Alec. If he weren't supposed to break things off with the artist in a minute, he would smile. She was like a baby lion, cute, but still quite dangerous. She was so similar to Alec as well. Maybe not at the first sight, as she had huge, black eyes and a slightly different structure of the body, but when one looked closer, they were practically twin-alike. They had the same, gorgeous alabaster skin, similar bone structure of their faces. Also, the shape of their lips, while Isabelle's was more feminine, was not very different from Alec's.

"Isabelle, enough," suddenly a hoarse, quiet voice interrupted the angry ramblings of the girl. The model glanced in the direction of the sound and felt his mouth go dry when he saw Alec leaning casually against his bedroom door, wearing a black T-shirt and shorts. His gaze was instantly pinned to the slender, pale legs with slightly bony knees. He could just imagine how well they would fit against his, while cuddling. His orbs travelled upwards and his lips quirked up as he noticed the rumpled state of the artist's black strands. "Why the hell are you shouting at Magnus?"

"I… he…" Isabelle tried to find the right words under the scrutinizing blue eyes of her big brother. He had never looked at her that way. He had never been angry with her, not really. Why was he now? Of course, they had their fights, but his orbs always kept a certain softness reserved only for his baby sister. But right now she couldn't find it, even though she desperately searched. It was disturbing that he was so closed-off at the moment. She wondered if the model became really so important for him in the span of few days. She got it: Magnus was his model, his muse, his inspiration, and that made him precious for the artist, but there were some boundaries.

"Exactly. Just stop it. It was my own decision to get drunk," the artist stated as he pushed himself off from the door in order to sit on the nearby armchair. He tried not to look at Magnus, because he very well knew that his composure would crumble if he looked into the model's extraordinary green eyes. He was scared and humiliated and his sister was not really helping the situation. It was embarrassing to have Izzy protect him, as if he was some defenseless kid. He dreaded the moment when he would find out the reason of Magnus' visit. Did he hate him? Did he come to yell at him or punch him for yesterday's incident?

"But Alec!" Isabelle exclaimed, outraged, her cheeks covered in angry, red splotches.

"Oh, for fuck's sake, shut up Izzy, my head is pounding, and you are not helping. You can't go around cursing at people, because I did something. I'm an adult, I'm responsible for my own decisions. Can we now finish with this bullshit?" Alec snapped and glared at the brunette. He realized that he was not being fair, and that he was harsh on Isabelle, but he was anxious and he really didn't feel well. He could also sense that Magnus had gotten really uncomfortable during the confrontation, he didn't even have to look at him to feel it.

"Alright, have it your way," Isabelle hissed as she grabbed her bag. " And next time you are hung-over, don't beg me for help," she shouted on her way out, the scream quickly followed by the sound of the wooden door closing with exaggerated force.

Magnus winced at the girl's angry departure, he didn't want to be a cause of the Lightwood siblings' row. He looked at the artist and felt his heart constrict a little at Alec's hunched posture and down-cast eyes, the exquisite, azure blue hidden behind the curtain of black lashes. The boy was playing nervously with the silver lighter, probably wanting to smoke, but not feeling well enough to do so. It was quite in his favour. If he saw the sensual way Alexander inhaled and exhaled the tobacco smoke again, he would probably lose his control, and would pounce on the artist. Yes, he certainly didn't need the sight of Alec's lips wrapped around the cigarette, gently sucking on the orange end.

He moved and sat on the couch; it was near enough that Alec would not feel isolated, but far enough that he would be sure that he would not brush his hands against any patch of artist's skin, which would probably lead to a fiasco of his trip to the boy's flat. He took a deep breath and urged himself to finally speak up, the faster he could get this over with, the faster he would be able to go home to lick his wounds.

"Alec," he started, but paused as he saw the boy wince. "I want to talk to you about something."

Alex frowned as Magnus called him just that, "Alec". It was quite petty of him, as he asked him all the time to call him that, but when the model used his full-name or Blue Eyes, he felt kind of special. The first time he heard "Alec" from the man's lips was yesterday, when Magnus ran away from the flat. It was clear for him that he destroyed any chance of any relation between them. He finally sucked a deep breath in, and replied "What do want to talk about?"

The green-eyed man fisted the material of his grey button-up in his hand, and thought that if he were straightforward, it would probably hurt less. "I don't want to model for you anymore," he stated. His work as an Escort made him a brilliant actor. His voice didn't shake, his hands didn't tremble and his face didn't indicate that his very last instinct screamed at him to take the words back.

"What?" Alec at first whispered. He thought that the model would say that he wants to keep their meetings strictly professional from now on, or he would ask Alec to back off. Not this. Never this. Suddenly the anger flared at the thought of all the wasted work that he had already done with Magnus. If he took another boy to model for him, all his hard work would go to the trash-bin. And he was so not having that. Magnus could treat him like a boss or ignore him altogether, but he would not let the man destroy his art. That was the only thing that kept him grounded through all these years, and no man, gorgeous or not, would make him ruin his project. "Why?" Alexander inquired harshly.

"Pardon?" Magnus asked, his eyebrows rising. He certainly didn't expect Alec to oppose. He thought that the boy would simply accept his decision, he considered him too shy to fight. He underestimated the artist.

"I asked you why. If you back off now, the piece I already did and the sketches I began wouldn't be worth anything, because the whole project must focus on one person. So if you want to give up, give a sensible reason," he explained, although his voice betrayed his anger. He felt ridiculed; Magnus didn't even regard him seriously. He probably thought that he was just playing with the paints, and didn't get it that his future partially depended on this project, as the best works were always displayed in a gallery in Manhattan.

"I… I just don't want to do this anymore," the model answered timidly, his eyes dropped to the carpet, the blank mask falling off his face, and slowly revealing his hurt.

"Why then?" Alec demanded "Magnus, tell me why."

"Because I will hurt you all right? You will grow attached to me and I will fucking hurt you," the green-eyed man finally snapped, his hands flailing around wildly " and I don't want that. So it's the best solution for me to disappear from your life."

"Why do you even care if I got hurt?" Alexander questioned. His gaze focused on the model's gorgeous face. He took in his only barely flushed cheeks, and rigid posture. The manicured nails of his hands were biting into his thighs as he was stopping himself from acting on impulse, as he was telling himself to stay, not run. He finally noticed Magnus eyes, slightly misted with the tears that didn't fall yet. He mused how tragically beautiful the model looked like that and then the truth suddenly dawned on him. "You have feelings for me," Alec said, his crystal-blue eyes going wide with the realization.

**A/N: Give me a sign that you are still reading?**

**Please review. I hope that you don't hate me for this long wait.**


	14. Tender

**I don't own TMI. Betaed by Ky, thank you, boo.**

**Oh my god, thank you for your reviews. 49… I was blown away. Also, thank you for the anonymous reviews, I appreciated them so much!**

**This was supposed to be up on Saturday, but I was really unfit for writing during the weekend, If you follow me on tumblr you know what I mean.**

_Tender is the night_  
><em>Lying by your side<em>  
><em>Tender is the touch<em>  
><em>Of someone that you love too much<em>  
><em>Tender is the day<em>  
><em>The demons go away<em>  
><em>Lord I need to find<em>  
><em>Someone who can heal my mind<em>

_Come on, Come on, Come on_  
><em>Get through it<em>  
><em>Come on, Come on, Come on<em>  
><em>Love's the greatest thing<em>  
><em>Come on, Come on, Come on<em>  
><em>Get through it<em>  
><em>Come on, Come on, Come on<em>  
><em>Love's the greatest thing<em>  
><em>That we have<em>  
><em>I'm waiting for that feeling<em>  
><em>I'm Waiting for that feeling<em>  
><em>Waiting for that feeling to come<em>

_Oh my baby_

_Tender is the ghost_  
><em>The ghost I love the most<em>  
><em>Hiding from the sun<em>  
><em>Waiting for the night to come<em>  
><em>Tender is my heart<em>  
><em>I'm screwing up my life<em>  
><em>Lord I need to find<em>  
><em>Someone who can heal my mind<em>

_Blur, "Tender"_

Magnus could feel his palms trembling as he restrained himself from reaching out for Alec. He fisted his hands, clenching them so tightly his nails bit into the heels of his palms, leaving half-mooned marks. He felt cornered; he tried to fool the artist, but the boy was too perceptive. He should have predicted that the blue-eyed wonder would see right through him. For fuck's sake, the boy was an artist, he observed and noticed every little detail. He probably memorized every little grimace that Magnus made. He should have broke things off between them over the phone, but he didn't want to be an asshole. Alexander deserved better than that.

He glanced up nervously, his orbs meeting Alec's azure, confused eyes. He trained his gaze back on the carpet, and bit his lower lip; stalling-waiting for Alec's move. He desperately wanted to escape. It was his way; escaping the problem. It was always that way, so why wasn't he running?

"Magnus?" The artist began, trying to get the model's attention. The man stubbornly inspected the flat's floor as if he were searching for something. Finally he sighed and stated: "I don't have feelings for you. Now, if you would excuse me…" The green-eyed model grit his teeth, wishing that Alec would just let go. As he started to stand up, a short defying sentence made his blood run cold.

"I will not," the artist simply replied.

"What?"

Alec's harsh words resounded loudly in the empty room and divested the man of any hope of fast retreat. Magnus peered at the boy, and blanched. Alec's jaw was set, his shoulders tense as if he were prepared to be defensive about the whole thing. Jesus, Magnus thought, it was not like he would yell at him. He felt bad that the artist was getting riled up because of him. He also was a little bit freaked out, because he didn't think that the boy was able to be so persistent and strong.

"You are not leaving; at least not until you are honest with me. I have time, we can sit here, with you starring at the carpet as if you were trying to figure out a Pollock's piece."

Magnus briefly wondered who the hell Pollock was, but then dismissed it, having much bigger problems right now. He knew Alec was right; they were attracted to each other. Hell, in Magnus's case it was even more than simple attraction; he felt the need to protect the boy. He realized that the biggest harm that could happen to the artist would be from himself. If they were together, and Alec fell in love with him, he would finally find out about his occupation, and he would be devastated. The blue-eyed wonder didn't deserve to be with such rubbish as him. He was being used, ravaged by men and women alike on a daily basis. His body was dirty; he was beyond repair. How could he let Alec get attached to someone like him? No, the innocent, talented Alexander was not his to be taken. He would find someone better; someone who didn't bare the scars or didn't flinch when something moved too fast.

"You don't want to be with me, Alexander," Magnus fiddled with his fingers, trying to convince Alec even though his heart screamed at him to stop, to be selfish for once. He could feel the boy's eyes glued to his bowed head, and he knew that if he glanced up he would drown in the endless blue right away.

"Would you let me decide, huh?" Alec snapped, his gaze angry.

"I have done some horrible things in the past," the model continued as if the boy hadn't interrupted him.

"I don't care," Alexander declared. He crossed his arms and glared at the man, daring him to rebut. He felt as if a car had run through him. His headache was getting stronger, not diminishing; despite the pill Izzy had given him. And Magnus chose to be a stubborn moron. He behaved as if he committed some awful crime, and Alec was pretty sure that he was being a drama queen. The growing need to kiss the model also did not help his patience.

"Oh, Alec, you do care. You will care," Magnus whispered and squeezed his eyes shut. When Alec found out how he sold his body, he would not be able to stand the contempt in his baby blues. He would break if Alec started to hate him.

"Did you kill somebody?" The artist suddenly asked. Startled, Magnus gazed up, his wide, shocked orbs finally meeting Alec's blues for the first time in twenty minutes.

"What?"

"I asked if…" The boy started to repeat, but the model interrupted.

"Yes, I heard you, Alexander. No, I didn't. God, what is even going through that head of yours?" He shook his head in amazement. If he were not so miserable and scared at the moment he would laugh at Alec's antics.

"So you didn't murder anyone. Well, I don't care what you did then," Alec stated shortly.

"But…"

"I do not care, Magnus, okay? What you did… It's done, alright? You cannot change the past, it's not important, and it won't influence the way I think I'm starting to feel about you. For me, what's important is what happens now." The artist peeled one of Magnus's hands from the grey, sparkling material of his shirt and gingerly rubbed his thumb on the model's wrist. With his other hand, he grasped the man's chin and made him look at him. Magnus marveled at the gentleness of his touch, he was used to harsh pulling, smacking, not this, not this sweet torture. He fought the urge to lean into the touch as the artist tenderly smiled at him. "So, will you let me get closer to you? Or are you going to run away while chivalrously trying to protect me from oh so evil you?"

"Alexander, I'm serious, you will see, I will harm you. Even if I don't want to…" Magnus whispered. He felt his eyes tearing up as he thought how badly he would be able to destroy the blue-eyed artist.

"Look, we always hurt the ones we love the most, didn't you know that? I'm willing to take the risk," Alec said quietly, his fingers tracing the outline of Magnus's cheekbone. "What do you say? Will you give it a shot?" He leaned forward and pressed his lips to the model's shortly, just an innocent closed-mouth kiss. As he withdrew Alec tensed up, expecting a shove, an angry yell, but all he felt was Magnus's fingers intertwining with his. He gazed right into the man's expressive, green eyes and waited for his reaction.

Magnus could not control his racing heart, his thoughts were running in his mind, and he couldn't decide what to do. He was so tired of fighting with himself. And Alec claimed that he didn't care what he did in the past. Why couldn't he be happy? Yes, he was damaged, but maybe Alec was his medicine. Maybe the blue-eyed boy was the only one able to fix him. He didn't really make a conscious decision; the word tumbled out of his mouth without any command from his brain.

"Yes."

As he saw Alec's happy grin, any regret that he felt vanished at once. He pulled on the artist's hand, coaxing him over to the couch. He smiled uncertainly and then pressed his mouth to Alexander's. The feeling was exquisite, nothing like he had ever felt. He kissed so many people, but none of them could best the blue-eyed boy's tentative touch. It was clear that Alec did not have much experience, but for Magnus, it felt like heaven.

They broke apart, and bright blue met yellowish-green. Alec wetted his lips with his tongue and the model's pupils dilated at the sight. He curled his hand around the boy's neck and moved closer to kiss him properly. As he gently sucked on the artist's lower lip, he could feel Alexander's fingers gently ghosting against the tender skin of his lower arms, up to his neck, finally entangling them in his styled, black hair. They went slowly, their mouths gently caressing, the teeth tenderly nibbling. As if it were not a conscious decision, Alec started to lean back, pulling Magnus with him, so that after a while they were sprawled on the coach, the model resting on top of the boy.

Magnus's tongue darted out and probed at the artist's lips, begging for entrance that Alec quickly granted. He slipped his tongue inside, the muscles leisurely stroking, evoking quiet sighs from both boys. They did not rush; they took the pleasure from the simple contact between their bodies and slow kissing, their fingers gingerly exploring the skin of their upper torso.

When they finally pulled away, Magnus propped his chin near Alec's breastbone and smiled at him as the artist caressed his cheek. He laid his head on Alexander's chest and listened to the steady heartbeat. He drifted off the sleep, lulled by the tranquil sound and the boy's fingers going through his hair.

* * *

><p><strong>Next chapter will be up by Friday. Things will go much faster now!<strong>

**Please review, this chapter was kind of important for me and reviews are love and they motivate me**


	15. The scent of home

_**A/N:Guys, I'm so sorry for not updating. Let's just say that things had been piling in on me, and after that I had a huge writer's block related to COLS. I'm sorry. I have holidays now, so I hope to update more regularly.**_

_**This chapter is the longest I have ever written, so I hope that you will enjoy it. It was beated, of course, by Ky **_

_**Warnings: A little bit of violence, m/m sex**_

_Where we love is home,  
>Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts.<br>~Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr., Homesick in Heaven_

Magnus breathed in the humid air as he stepped into the shower after his client left. Surprisingly, it was a woman. Rarely did a woman demand his services, and his clientele mostly consisted of closeted gays who married, because they didn't have the guts to admit that they played for the other team. Or busy businessmen who didn't have time for relationships or picking anyone up; for them the most natural and easy thing to do was to hire a hustler when they needed a release. The women were rare, but Magnus always took the opportunity to work for them as they paid well and usually didn't leave bruises behind.

He scrubbed his skin under the hot stream of water; that part never changed. After every job he practically scrubbed himself raw, because he felt used. The only good thing was that as the time flew, his prices got higher, because now he had a reputation. At first he took any job he could, even if he worked for pathetic payment. He sighed heavily as he ran his fingers through his wet hair and rinsed out the shampoo, he should have quit this job a long time ago, but there was no way that he would be able to pay for his flat by working somewhere else. New York was an expensive city, and without attending college he didn't have a chance for any decent job. And working in a coffee shop would not be enough to cover the expenses. Maybe if he got a roomie… For now though, things had to stay the way they were, even if he felt like shit about hiding who he really was from Alexander. He smiled slightly as he thought about the blue-eyed artist.

_Magnus woke up to the sensation of Alec's fingers gently tracing up and down his spine. He smiled in contentment, but didn't open his eyes. He nuzzled into Alexander's chest instead, purring like a cat and felt the artist's body shaking with silent laughter. _

_"Did you have a good nap?" The blue-eyed boy asked; the corners of his mouth quirking up. His fingers didn't stop the slow motion of drawing some shapes on the model's back, and Magnus felt oddly relaxed by the little touches._

_"Yeah, how long have I been out?" Magnus inquired, curious. He was actually surprised that he fell asleep, and didn't wake up screaming or crying. It was usually how things went. He slept for two or three hours, and then the nightmares began. Well, not really nightmares, more like his memories playing in his head, when he was at his most vulnerable._

_"About three hours," the artist answered. The model rested his chin on the boy's chest, and locked his eyes with Alec's. Alexander's orbs were really extraordinary, the perfect mixture of dark and light colours, and they were so expressive, so warm. They made Magnus think of home, the real home, not the one he had as a child._

_"What? Why didn't you wake me up? Your legs must have fallen asleep under my weight," the model worried his bottom __lip__ and made a move to get up, but Alec's grip tightened on him, and the boy smiled at him, a small, warm grin that made Magnus's heart swell._

_"Not really, I took a nap too," Alec admitted, a slight blush covering his cheeks. He looked better too, not so pale anymore. And it was clear that his headache and nausea had completely passed. "And you are not that heavy," the boy said while chuckling. __Actually, I am, Magnus thought.__ He had gained some weight lately, and he had never really been pleased with his appearance. He cringed at the thought of the fat surrounding his belly. How Alec could even find his body attractive was beyond his comprehension. The boy looked like an angel when compared to him, the freak._

That was a week ago, and they had been meeting up every day for the little drawing session. Actually, they spent most of the time talking or making out, not working, and that's why they decided to separate the time when the artist was supposed to draw and when they had time for themselves. Today, it was the time for a date, and Magnus was beyond excited. He was supposed to meet Alec in an hour at the artist's work, but he decided that he wanted to show up early.

He pulled on his favourite pair of skinny jeans – grey, with discrete, glittery threads -, high, black boots and a green shirt. He didn't go over the top, since he knew that Alec preferred more toned down outfits. He decided that an additional layer of eye-liner was totally acceptable since his clothes did not really draw attention – at least in the model's opinion. At the end he slipped on his fingers two rings, and put on a black, leather jacket. As he was leaving, he grasped a yellow scarf to tie around his neck since the evening seemed to be getting cool. He nearly bounced with excitement as he headed to the bar Alec worked at.

* * *

><p>Alec mindlessly cleaned the counter, his thoughts were elsewhere – with the gorgeous, green-eyed model. Never had he felt so inspired as in the presence of Magnus. The man was so beautiful that his fingers itched to draw or paint him every time he looked at him. Such features should be immortalized. Magnus did not posses the classical beauty though. His face was interesting, it was not perfect by any means. His nose was not really straight, it had a little bump in the middle, and his teeth were a little crooked, but in Alec's eyes it only added to the man's charm.<p>

The artist had always been freaked out by the "perfect" faces of celebs or models. Such flawlessness was not natural; it was either photo-shop's work or the masterpiece of plastic surgery. But Magnus… Magnus was something else. Alexander's heart fluttered as he thought that he would see the model soon. He smiled lightly as he recalled how amazing the last week had been. Well, he mused, he didn't think that Mr. Hodge would appreciate how thoroughly he was getting to know his subject. He chuckled at that thought, and at the same moment a voice broke him out of his reverie.

"If you are so happy to scrub the counters, I will let you come more often, Lightwood," Raphael, the bar's owner, teased the artist seeing his big smile, and great mood.

"Yeah, sure, Raphael, all I dream about is cleaning up your bar," Alec grinned at the Hispanic-looking boy. He looked 17, but in fact he was 24. The owner was an old friend of Jace, and when he complained to his best-friend about not having a job, the golden-haired boy manage to convince Raphael to give him one. It turned out that it was a good decision, since he got on with the bar-owner well, and he was pretty sure that his salary was way too high. He wasn't complaining though. He was way too busy with school, and now Magnus, to get a second job.

"Go to the customers, I will finish here," the dark-haired man suggested and laughed at Alec's surprised face. "What? I think your lover-boy is here," he explained at the artist's suspicious gaze.

"How…"

"Jace told me that you finally got a boyfriend, and I don't think that any straight guy would wear glitter pants and eye-liner," Raphael smirked and rolled his eyes at the boy.

"You wore eye-liner, remember?" Alex rebutted.

"It was Halloween, Lightwood! I was a vampire!" Raphael cried out, his hands waving around his head, probably trying to convey his frustration.

"Yes, and all vampires are addicted to make-up, I'm sure of it," Alexander snickered, and ducked to avoid the owner's smack. He grabbed the writing pad, and hurried away.

As he came out from behind the counter, his orbs were instantly drawn to the model; Magnus's neon-yellow scarf stood out in the dim room. His back was to the artist, but Alec could see that he was nervously playing with his mobile. Alexander smiled to himself, as he quietly padded to Magnus. He leaned down and whispered "boo" right into the green-eyed man's ear. The model jumped in his seat, his hand resting now on his chest, and Alec chuckled at his startled expression.

"God, Alexander, do you want to give me a heart-attack?" Magnus asked quietly, his breath laboured. Alec bit his lip to resist grinning at him.

"Not really, you should pay more attention to your surroundings, though," the boy answered, and leaned down again, so that he was at eye-level with the man. "Hi," he practically sighed as he pressed their lips together.

He loved kissing Magnus. The man's bottom lip fit perfectly between Alec's mouth, and he loved sucking on it, nibbling lightly. He could probably spend a whole day doing it. Having realized that he was at work, and therefore he should not be making out with a guy in here, Alec slowly withdrew.

"Hello yourself, Blue Eyes," Magnus whispered softly, the corners of his lips quirked up, and he started caressing Alexander's cheek lightly. The artist had to suppress the urge to shiver, so he straightened himself out before embarrassing himself by purring or moaning out.

"You are early," the artist said. "I still have to be here for half an hour." Magnus noticed that he was fumbling with a pen. He was holding it between two fingers like a cigarette. He mentally chuckled at the artist's habit. Even if he didn't like that Alexander smoked, he had to admit that the boy looked really hot with a cigarette in his hand or in his mouth. He shook his head, thinking about such stuff would end up with a make-out session right now. "So, how can I be of service?" The blue-eyed boy asked, and Magnus quirked his eyebrow.

"Are you… so suggestive with all your clients?" The model asked and with a fond look and satisfaction observed how the blood rushed to the artist's cheeks. It really was fascinating how innocent Alec behaved, but at the same time, he could show what he wanted. He was full of opposing traits and that somehow created a man Magnus was slowly falling in love with.

"Can I have a coffee with milk?"

"Sure, you can," Alec answered. "Do you want anything else?"

"Nope, but maybe you could hang out here with me?" Magnus suggested, his famous "puppy eyes" look making appearance on his face.

"No can do," the artist chuckled, and ruffled the green-eyed man's styled hair, which earned him a death glare.

* * *

><p>As soon as Magnus's coffee arrived, he was disappointed to see that Alexander was not joking and the artist went away to his duties. He sighed and took a sip of the gloriously hot liquid. He was pretty sure that Alec made it himself since it was filled with a huge amount of milk, exactly like he loved it.<p>

He observed as Alexander chatted with the clients, seeming at ease with some of them, probably the usual customers. And then went back to the kitchen, only to come back a few minutes later with a meal. He moved gracefully, and he couldn't unglue his orbs from the view. After what seemed like forever, the boy finally flopped down next to him and smiled. The little dimples appearing in his cheeks.

"So, I'm done, do you want to eat something or head out?" The artist asked.

"Head out, just wait a minute okay? I need to go to the rest room," Magnus answered and slipped from the table. He grinned at the blue-eyed boy, and strutted away. He could almost feel Alec's eyes on him, and that made his stomach flutter, the giddiness arising inside him.

* * *

><p>Magnus smiled to himself as he stood in front of the mirror, trying to fix his hair. It was weird, he wasn't even mad that Alec messed it up. He was turning into a sap, and it was the blue-eyed boy's fault. Never had he felt so good with another person. Their interactions were just so … effortless. The conversations flew smoothly, they always could sense their moods, and for once in his life, Magnus knew that it was it, and he wanted a real relationship.<p>

"Hello, Aime," a voice whispered from behind him, and the escort's green orbs went wide, when in the mirror's reflection he saw Neil. He turned around quickly, and tried to back away, but the man was quicker, and had him already cornered against the wall.

"What do you want?" Magnus hissed out, and his eyes darted around, trying to find a way to escape. His breath quickened in fear and panic. Their last encounter played out in the model's head, and he shrunk back. He sucked a trembling breath in as he thought that the artist could barge in here any time. Alec could not know, he could not find out from this man. He could not find out at all, at least for now.

"Tsk, tsk, what is this tone, pet?" Neil asked, and he slowly caressed the escort's cheek, the imitation of a lover's caress. The gentle touch contrasted with the hold he had at the escort's wrist. "Don't you want to play again?"

"Get off me, as you can see I'm not at work, asshole, and you have no right to fucking touch me," the model replied. He tried to keep his voice steady, to show the aggressive man that he had no influence over him. He knew he failed though as he saw a cruel smirk on the grey-eyed man's angular face.

"Such a pretty face, such a foul mouth," he tsked, and pressed his body against Magnus. The model felt trapped, his client was stronger than him, so there was no way that he would get away. He couldn't scream for help, because then Alec would find out about his occupation. He struggled against the tight grip, but instead of freeing himself, he only angered Neil who tightened his grip on the green-eyed escort. Neil pressed Magnus tightly against the wall, and then pressed their mouth together, forcing an alcohol-tasting kiss on the model. Magnus grappled against his client, his protest being muffled against the other man's lips. He could feel his client's hands on his abdomen, trying to undo his zipper with one hand and he shuddered in disgust.

"What the hell is going on?" Magnus suddenly heard Alexander's voice, and he didn't know if he should be happy or devastated. Neil's body against his disappeared, and he sagged against the wall. He glanced at the artist and Neil while trying to calm his breathing down, and cursed when he gazed just at the moment when Alexander landed a good-pointed punch in the grey-eyed man's face.

"Alec!" He grasped the black t-shirt the artist was wearing and pulled him away from the now- swearing Neil. "Please, stop," he said quietly, while looking pleadingly at the blue-eyed boy. The artist glanced at him, confusion clear in his azure orbs. He pressed his lips together, and sneaked his arm around Magnus's waist protectively.

"I will sue you!" The grey-eyed man spluttered, while trying to stop the blood rushing out of his nose. Alec glared at him, pure contempt on his face.

"Yeah, then you will be probably charged for sexual assault, you bastard," the artist seethed, and Magnus's client looked him in the eyes, probably trying to judge if he was being serious. He stared at Magnus as if he were some disgusting trash, spit out one word – "whore" – and then stormed out of the bathroom.

"Oh no, you…" Alec tried to rush after the man, but the model's hands holding his arm stopped him.

"Alexander, let it go," Magnus whispered. "He is just an asshole."

"Just an asshole?" Alec cried out loudly, and the model stepped back from him instinctively hearing the tone, his head bowed. Alec's eyes softened, and he slipped his arms around Magnus's stomach, one of his hands gently rubbing the green-eyed man's back. The model nuzzled into the artist's neck, as if trying to immerse himself into the boy's body. Alec frowned slightly as he felt the man slightly shiver, he sighed, and then tipped Magnus's face so that he was looking at him. "What happened? Was that your ex-boyfriend?" He asked as he rubbed the model's neck with his thumb.

"I would not call him a boyfriend, more like one-night stand," Magnus lied smoothly. "And he just came at me," he explained, and forced the corners of his mouth to tip up. He looked into the concerned blue-eyes, and assured the artist that he was fine.

Alec finally let him go, but he grasped his hand, and twined their fingers together. "So, I take that the walk in the park is not an option anymore, am I right?" The blue-eyed boy asked as they came out of the bathroom. He signaled anxious looking Raphael that he would call him later and they came out of the bar.

"No, I don't think so," the model smiled sheepishly. Magnus felt so bad about ruining their evening. The artist had clearly something in mind, and he had ruined their date. He felt tears prickling at his eyes, and he gulped. He didn't want to cry in front of Alec, the night was ruined already.

"Hey," the artist stopped, and pulled at Magnus's hand so that they were facing each other. "What's up with the long face? It wasn't your fault that that jerk attacked you," the blue-eyed boy said, and he squeezed the model's fingers tighter, trying to reassure him. "What do you say that we go to my place, watch a movie, and then you can sleep over, so that you don't have to come back to your flat in the middle of the night?" Alec suggested and smiled at the man. The model nodded, and the blue-eyed boy signaled for a nearing, yellow taxi to stop.

* * *

><p>Magnus sat down on the leather couch, and waited for Alec. He felt sick to his stomach when he thought about what happened at the bar. He knew he should have fought back harder; he blamed himself. He felt dirty, disgusting. He rubbed at his lips absentmindedly and curled up on the comfy furniture under the grey blanket lying next to him.<p>

Alexander came out of the kitchen with two steaming mugs, and smiled at him. The blue-eyed boy sat next to him, handed him the hot chocolate and Magnus instantly snuggled against his side, as if he had been doing that for years. Alec's free arm went around the model's shoulders and his fingers played with the ends of Magnus's strands. The artist grasped the remote control and turned the TV on, some music program playing quietly.

They sipped at their drinks in silence, Magnus's head pillowed under the blue-eyed boy's chin, and he listened to his steady heartbeat. It calmed him down, soothed his nerves.

"How do you feel?" Alec asked quietly as if he were afraid to ruin the mood. The boy pressed his lips against Magnus's brow; the model gazed up at him, and smiled contently.

"I'm okay, now," he replied and nuzzled into Alexander's shirt. There was something really alluring about the artist's scent. It was a musky scent, mixed with cigarette smoke, but it had sweet undertones. It suited the boy perfectly. Alec could be tough and protective, but at the same time he was a really sweet guy. At least from what Magnus gathered.

Somehow the boy made him feel safe. It was not even the fact that he protected him earlier on. Alec had just this vibe that gave away that he would always put you before himself. When his arms were around Magnus's, he felt isolated from the outside word, as if the blue-eyed boy would protect him from any harm.

They listened to the music program in comfortable silence. Magnus snuggled into the artist's torso, and Alec gently playing with his hair. The model sighed blissfully, and deep down hoped that it would become their routine.

* * *

><p>The green-eyed model snuggled into the covers, and nuzzled into the pillow. Alec's bed was so comfortable that he didn't want to ever get up from it. He heard the bathroom door being opened and he faced that way. He was bundled up to his chin, and he still shivered from time to time. He had no idea why he was so cold lately.<p>

"Are you okay?" Alec asked as he stared at Magnus, his blue eyes seeming darker than usual, the little bedside lamp casting shadows on his pale face. The model nodded, and gave him a tight smile, trying to reassure him. The artist raised his eyebrow, and then rolled his eyes.

"Come here," he whispered and coaxed the green-eyed man closer, so that they were chest to chest. He slipped his arms around Magnus's waist, and tucked the model's head under his chin. Some of the tension evaporated from the man's form as he nuzzled into Alec's neck, and sighed into it, making the artist shiver slightly.

Magnus smiled to himself as he felt Alexander shudder. He pressed his lips against the spot he was nuzzling into, and felt the boy tighten his hold on him as his teeth gently nibbled at Alec's Adam's apple. One of artist's hands travelled up to rest at the nape of his neck, his nails gently scratching against the sensitive area. "Magnus," the blue-eyed boy murmured and for a second the model marveled at the quiet sound of his name being whispered in that tone.

No one had before breathed out his name in such way. Usually, it was spit out dripping with contempt by his father or with annoyance by his teachers and peers. It had never been muttered with such tender undertones. Maybe his mother uttered his name in a similar way when she was trying to comfort him when he was a child, but after her death, no one said his name with such warmth. Of course, sometimes his clients whispered or screamed his pseudonym, but it was something else. Alexander's whisper was filled with emotion, with some kind of promise.

He gazed up at Alec, and pressed his lips against his chin. He peppered little kisses over his suddenly flushed cheeks, nose, eyelids, finally getting to Alexander's mouth. He brushed Alec's lips with his own, and as he tried to withdraw, he felt the artist's fingers caressing his neck, bringing him closer instead. He melted into the light touch, and parted his mouth, letting Alexander's tongue slip inside. The muscles intertwined with each other, pushing lightly, caressing, the teeth clashing once in a while, noses bumping and making them chuckle.

Magnus' fingers traced Alec's forearm up to his neck, making the artist sigh against his lips, only to slip into the boy's raven hair, and tug gently. He pulled Alec more firmly against his frame, and rolled over on his back, the artist's body resting on top of the model.

They broke off the kiss, and Magnus gazed up into Alec's dark azure eyes; the pupils were blown, nearly swallowing the gorgeous blue. He brushed away the black strands that were falling into the artist's face, and Alec bit his lower lip. That did it, and Magnus crashed his mouth against the boy's, making Alec whimper quietly.

Suddenly the thin material of their T-shirts was stifling, and they tried to get rid of them at the same time. It resulted in getting tangled in the clothes, and they both laughed at it. Magnus loved it, he adored Alec's warm laugh. Laughter in the bedroom was one of the biggest turns on, it made him feel tingly all over, he finally felt accepted, even if for a moment. As Alexander's chest was revealed, his breath caught up in his throat. He expected to see pale, smooth skin, but Alexander's torso was covered in the dark swirls. He glanced up, and he saw the black-haired boy looking self-conscious. He smiled, and traced the dark marks with his finger. They were scattered all over Alexander's upper-body. He had never seen them, because they were covered either by a t-shirt or shirt Alec was wearing.

"Beautiful," he breathed out, and saw a crimson blush covering the artists face and neck. "Do they have a meaning?"

Alexander nodded and explained, trying not to shiver at the sensation of Magnus' long fingers exploring his tattooed skin. "Every time that something important happened I got one tattooed, every one has a special history."

"Did you design them yourself?"

"Yeah," he answered, still looking a little bit unsure of himself. "I used to be really closed-off, well, I still am," he chuckled. "The art was not enough, so I thought that maybe marking myself would help me deal with some things."

Magnus looked positively fascinated with the black designs, his eyes and fingers following the swirls, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. Alec smiled playfully, grasped the hem of the model's T-shirt and yanked it up, finally getting rid of offending piece of cloth. He giggled at Magnus' startled expression, and pushed at the green-eyed man's shoulders to lay him down again on the bed.

He looked at the model through his dark lashes, and pressed his lips against the heated skin of Magnus' neck. He placed open-mouthed kisses there, closing his teeth against the man's pulse point as he felt Magnus' fingers tightening in his hair. He smirked and continued his descent down the model's body. He paid special attention to the man's nipples, gently sucking them, then rolling between his teeth, making Magnus moan and arch from the bed. He soothed them with his tongue and followed down the patch of dark hair disappearing in his blue boxers. He glanced up at the model and smiled. Magnus had to fight the urge to get up, and take care of Alec. He was not used to being tended to, pampered, like the artist was doing right now. It had always been his task to pleasure the other party, his own feelings forgotten. Now it was Alec, who was the giver, and even if it felt amazingly good, he still had to fight his habits.

"Can I?" Alexander asked as his fingers traced the pale line left by the underwear.

Magnus nearly gasped, his green eyes wide. Alec was actually the first person that had ever asked if he could touch him. Never had he been asked for permission. People always took what they wanted from him, yanked clothes from his body. He swallowed heavily and nodded, staring into Alec's intense, blue orbs. The boy grasped the material of the boxers and pulled them down. He eyed appreciatively Magnus' length, and ran his fingers along the bluish vein.

Alec pressed a kiss to the man's protruding hipbone, and then nipped at it, evoking a moan from Magnus. He slid down and took the head of the model's cock in his mouth, sucking lightly, coaxing it into full hardness. One of the model's hands travelled down and rested on the nape of Alexander's neck, the other fisted into the pillow next to his head.

"Alexander," he whispered after a few seconds. Alec took the hint and opened up, swallowing his length halfway. That made the model gasp, and the hold he had on the back of Alec's head tightened slightly, not painfully though.

The blue-eyed boy bobbed his head up and down, sucking with enthusiasm, hollowing his cheeks out. He released Magnus' cock for a second, which earned him a quiet whimper from the model, and then changed his angle so that his throat opened up, allowing him to take the whole length in. As he did it, he heard the model swear and he chuckled, the vibrations heightening Magnus' pleasure and making him arch away from the bed again. He loved the reactions he got from his now-lover, his whimpers and moans were like music to him and to his surprise he actually enjoyed giving him a blowjob. When he was with Sebastian, he hated sucking the blond off. It probably had something to do with the fact that his former boyfriend was always impatient, and after a while took to forcing his cock down the artist's throat, making him gag. Even though Magnus' fingers tangled in his hair reminded him of Sebastian's behaviour, it felt totally different. The model's hand guided him, encouraged, instead of forcing him down and abusing. He actually liked being probed and guided like that.

Alec reached down, and slipped his hand into his own boxers, palming himself, trying to relieve some of the tension. He moaned around Magnus' length and glanced up at the model through his thick, curved lashes. The green-eyed man's face was contorted with pleasure, his mouth half opened. He whimpered random words, finally taking to chanting the artist's name and making Alec work even harder. The model finally gave out a throaty moan, his legs tightening against Alexander's sides, and shoot off down Alec throat, making him choke a little. Seeing Magnus come did it for the artist and he found the release himself, tremors shaking his slender frame.

After a moment, Alec crawled up the bed, only to fall breathlessly next to Magnus. He glanced at the model's face and grinned at him. The man's eyes were closed, and he was trying to calm his erratic breathing. When he opened his orbs, Alec's breath was taken away again by the beauty of the green-yellow colour, the golden flecks sparkling in the dimmed room. His hands itched to paint those extraordinary orbs, but he was too tired for it now. The model reached out and smoothed Alec's unruly, black strands from his forehead, and then ran his fingers through the slightly damp hair. He moved closer, and pressed their lips in a short, innocent kiss. Alec could feel his lover smile into the kiss, and his heart missed a beat as he thought about that. It was really amazing how trouble-less Magnus made him feel. He turned around and pressed his back against the model's chest, snuggling in. He felt the green-eyed man's arm looping around his waist, and he sighed contently as he entwined their fingers together. He was out in mere minutes, lulled to sleep by his lover's steady breathing against his neck.

Magnus gently kissed the nape of Alec's neck, and he slowly drifted off, surrounded by the scent that reminded him of the real home that he had never had.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Okay, please let me know that you're still reading. I would like to know if I still have any readers... :)**


	16. Author's note

Guys, from what I have heard so far, ffn deletes M-rated stories which have explicit content (SOBD and the rest of my stories most definitely have it), so I made AO3 account and Adult Fanfiction one as well. My penname is DisturbingEmily on these websites as well.

In case ffn deletes my stories or ban me from the , I will move them there

I will try to update SOBD asap, and upload it in here, but in case the story vanishes, you know where to find me :)  
>I cannot imagine losing so many amazing readers, so I thought I would inform you.<p> 


	17. AN

Hi, I will be absent. For a long time, I suspect. Why? Because the entire future I planned has just fallen apart, and yeah, I need to piece it all together.

Sorry about that. I know you all love the story, but I am now in no shape to write ANYTHING, especially fanfiction. I hope you will understand.

I'm sorry


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